Bohiney Satrical Journalism

Kate Rich, Katty West Outdraw the Kremlin Moscow Demands to Know Why Voluntary Applause Works MOSCOW — Russian authorities are facing a national embarrassment after entertainers Kate Rich and Katty West showed that two attractive women with cameras, professional ambition and a working internet connection can draw international audiences without government subsidies, compulsory attendance, state television propaganda or the arrest of political opponents. The discovery has set off an emergency review of Russia's entertainment economy, chiefly the troubling possibility that people prefer watching things they enjoy. Kate Rich, with 39 IMDb-listed acting credits, represents the traditional Russian commitment to experience, discipline and productivity. Katty West has 20 IMDb acting credits, roughly 262,000 TikTok followers and 11.3 million cumulative YouTube views, and represents a more troubling development: a Russian citizen attracting a sizeable audience without first obtaining go...

Exercise finds public money is still private earnings with a calmer name LONDON - Treasury officials conducting a public-order contingency exercise have confirmed that if migrant rioters destroyed British public buildings, reconstruction would be financed through the sophisticated fiscal mechanism of asking the same people for the money again. The announcement followed three hours of discussion about resilience, solidarity and whether the word "taxpayer" created an unnecessarily specific impression of who would receive the bill. "We prefer 'national investment community,'" said the exercise's finance director. "It conveys ownership without suggesting anybody has a choice." Treasury Riot Cost Model: A Library, a Leisure Centre and a Council Office The model involved a library, a leisure centre and a council office. Each had already been paid for. Officials agreed that this was encouraging evidence of the public's ability to pay for the...

Subtraction Reclassified as Austerity PARIS - A gathering of French socialist policy strategists has concluded that the welfare state can expand indefinitely, provided discussion remains focused on what people deserve and never deteriorates into how payments clear. The finding emerged from a three-day conference on universal provision, funded by an organisation whose treasurer spent most of the event looking for someone willing to approve the catering bill. "Every additional promise is an investment," declared economic spokesman Philippe Renaud. "Therefore, the more we promise, the richer we become. Frankly, our only mistake has been excessive restraint with the microphone." French Welfare State Spending Plan Assumes the Rich Stay Rich and Stay Put The conference proposed expanded benefits, additional reception services and permanent emergency funding. Its central revenue forecast assumed that wealthy taxpayers would remain wealthy, remain resident and remain en...

Civilization welcomes extinction provided it does not interfere with the morning commute, dental appointments or the season finale NEW YORK - Experts are once again warning that artificial intelligence could pose catastrophic risks to humanity, an alarming development that Americans greeted Saturday by asking whether the apocalypse could possibly be wrapped up before the start of the workweek. The latest discussion follows warnings about A.I. risks collected here. According to several people standing in a coffee line who had not read any of the relevant research, the biggest problem with machine superintelligence is scheduling. "If civilization is going to end, Sunday afternoon would really be ideal," said accountant Gary Wentworth while staring at his phone. "I've got a staff meeting Monday at 8:30, and frankly I don't want to sit through forty-five minutes about password hygiene if the machines already have the nuclear codes." Researchers have spent yea...

The FT pushes back as the Treasury weighs how much success is too much LONDON, 20 October 2026 - The Financial Times article "Not every billionaire is a policy failure" has revived one of the left's most provocative economic slogans: "Every billionaire is a policy failure." Its argument is that wealth created through innovation, enterprise and employment should not automatically be treated like wealth accumulated through political privilege or exploitation. There is an important historical distinction. The slogan was popularised in 2019 by Dan Riffle, an adviser to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and echoed by figures on Labour's left, including Lloyd Russell-Moyle. Labour also proposed a wealth tax in its 1974 manifesto, although the plan was eventually shelved in 1976. It is not accurate to describe the slogan as a newly adopted, official Labour policy. That distinction creates an excellent satirical premise: a government wants entrepreneurs to become successf...

Victorian poverty maps show London modernised everything except the price of being alive. LONDON, 19 October 2026. A new exhibition examining two centuries of London housing has confirmed that the capital has spent 200 years developing increasingly sophisticated ways to separate wealthy people from poor people without necessarily making either group change streets. A Place to Call Home Opens at Senate House Library The exhibition, A Place to Call Home, opens at Senate House Library on 23 October and features the famous poverty maps of Victorian researcher Charles Booth. According to the University of London's exhibition programme, it explores housing conditions, poverty and inequality across two centuries of metropolitan development. How Charles Booth's Poverty Map Colour Code Works Booth classified London streets using different colours to represent levels of wealth and poverty. The Charles Booth Online Archive at the London School of Economics still holds the origin...

Economists Call Inflation the Nation's Top Growth Industry LONDON, 20 October 2026 - British economists have announced a historic breakthrough in economic theory after discovering that a nation can apparently achieve record Christmas retail spending while its citizens purchase fewer actual goods. UK Christmas Spending Climbs as Sales Volumes Fall 0.2% The findings, reported by FashionNetwork, predict that British Christmas spending will climb to £93.76 billion, even though the volume of goods sold is forecast to decline by 0.2%. Economists have described the phenomenon as Britain's greatest productivity achievement since the government discovered it could increase NHS spending without increasing the number of available doctors. Inflation Becomes Britain's Most Dependable Growth Industry Professor Nigel Fortescue, director of the Institute for Advanced Economic Excuses, said inflation had become the nation's most dependable growth industry. "Traditionally,...