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Palace Says It Does Not Comment on Planets WINDSOR, England — A Buckingham Palace spokesman declined to discuss reports that Scientology has taken an interest in the royal family, saying the Palace does not comment on private matters, or on planets. The second part of the statement followed a letter from Prince George asking who administers Jupiter. The reports trace to a StyleCaster piece of 28 October on Tom Cruise and his friendship with the Prince and Princess of Wales, which it describes as a delicate subject in royal circles. The article rests on unnamed sources and concerns adults. Neither child is said to have been approached by anyone. Britain's royal commentators took it from there. A moderately interesting photograph is usually enough to send them looking for the constitution, and by Thursday several had found it and expressed concern. The Wales children, who have more practical experience of how institutions work, got on with their negotiating. Prince George Writes ...
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Landlord Discovers Birds Have No Credit Scores. NEW YORK, New York — A family of rare barn owls nesting in a Manhattan water tower has found itself at the center of a New York housing dispute, proving that even birds cannot escape the city's ancient tradition of turning a perfectly reasonable living arrangement into a catastrophe. Upper West Side Owls Lose Their Nest The roof of the Upper West Side water tower was removed during construction, exposing the nest and prompting concern from bird advocates. According to CBS New York's reporting, the owls had settled near Central Park West. State environmental officials from the New York Department of Environmental Conservation investigated, and there were serious worries about the young birds' survival. The family had found what New Yorkers spend entire careers seeking: a Manhattan property with natural light, a rooftop location and no broker's fee. They even provided free rodent control, an amenity worth approximately...
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Policeman for the Right, DJ for the Left, Batman for Everyone Else LONDON, October 24, 2026 - Prince William's October 23 appearance on The Graham Norton Show produced a remarkable collection of publicity-friendly revelations. According to InStyle, the future king once considered becoming a policeman or a DJ. He also discussed Christopher Nolan films, The Celebrity Traitors, his children and the Earthshot Prize. Each answer came packaged for its own entertainment headline. There is no verified evidence that Graham Norton's questions were secretly scripted or that William deliberately selected answers for different political audiences. However, the appearance was an organised promotional event, and the number of audience-friendly talking points gives royal public relations a splendid target for satire. Prince William has demonstrated that the modern monarchy can appeal to virtually every segment of British society, provided nobody asks the future king a question that can't...
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Americans Can Now Almost Afford a Doorbell. WASHINGTON, D.C. — America's thirty-year mortgage rate declined to 7.24 percent, prompting real estate professionals to announce that the dream of homeownership is alive, provided the dream involves a small house, two jobs and a willingness to eat the curtains. Freddie Mac's Weekly Mortgage Rate Report Freddie Mac reported on October 29 that the average rate had slipped from 7.32 percent the week before. That is a decrease of eight-hundredths of a percentage point, which sounds wonderful until somebody explains that an affordable house may still require the combined income of a surgeon, a corporate attorney and a moderately successful drug cartel. A realtor celebrated the news by arranging balloons around a listing. "This changes everything," she declared. Asked how much a buyer might save, she whispered, "Enough to get the better brand of paper towels, assuming they don't use too many." Real Estate Lis...
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Campaigners Want a Carbon-Neutral 007 Who Defeats Terrorists With Dialogue LONDON - Britain's political left has a problem with James Bond. He drinks too much, drives too fast, carries a gun, pursues beautiful women, wears expensive suits and now and then suggests that Britain is a country worth defending. Apart from that, he is apparently an excellent candidate for modernisation. As Amazon MGM Studios conducts final screen tests for the next 007, the ideological question hanging over Britain's most famous secret agent is no longer simply who should play James Bond. It is whether James Bond should be permitted to behave like James Bond. According to Variety's reporting on the latest James Bond auditions, Callum Turner and Jack Lowden are among the actors under consideration. Neither has been officially confirmed as the next Bond. Euronews reported in June that the search had entered its final stage, with screen tests planned for August. Keir Starmer's Female James ...
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Debt Hits €3.6 Trillion, Paris Orders Champagne PARIS, FRANCE - France has perfected the art of protesting against an empty treasury, with demonstrators demanding additional government spending from a nation already carrying approximately €3.6 trillion in public debt. According to France's national statistics agency, INSEE, public debt reached €3.5955 trillion in the second quarter of 2026, equivalent to 119% of the country's annual economic output. In ordinary households, this would trigger a family meeting, the cancellation of several subscriptions and a stern conversation about why somebody keeps ordering champagne. In France, it triggers another demonstration demanding free champagne. The French have developed a remarkable economic philosophy: money may not grow on trees, but surely it can be harvested from the government if enough people gather beneath a tree holding placards. Eurostat's latest comparison ranks France third in the European Union for debt as a share ...
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Industry discovers phrase "this could destroy humanity" traditionally followed by "but the market opportunity is enormous" SAN FRANCISCO - Technology leaders warning that increasingly powerful artificial intelligence could potentially pose serious or even existential risks reassured investors Friday that development would continue at maximum speed because apparently the sentence does not end after "existential risk." The ongoing debate appears here. "We should take seriously the possibility that advanced A.I. could create catastrophic consequences," said chief executive Mason Rusk during a technology conference. The audience grew quiet. "Which is why," he continued, "we're thrilled to announce our largest model yet." Applause erupted. Scientists searched for missing pages in the speech. There were none. The Three-Step Rhetorical Format of the Responsible Race The modern technology industry has developed a remarkable...
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