Bohiney Satrical Journalism

Revolutionary golf plan would redistribute handicaps and nationalize the putting green WASHINGTON, D.C. - A Marxist golf committee has entered the controversy over President Donald Trump's proposed renovation of East Potomac Golf Links, demanding an immediate suspension of improvements until the government can establish that no American will get better at golf than any other American. The committee's intervention adds a revolutionary economic dimension to an already complicated debate involving public recreation, environmental protection, presidential ambition and roughly a century of people hitting golf balls into the Potomac River. What Trump's East Potomac Redesign Would Actually Do Trump's proposed redesign would turn the existing public facility into a championship-level course capable of hosting major tournaments. The administration says the facility will stay publicly accessible, although the future price of admission has not been set. Interior Secretary D...

Engineers clarify that "reason independently" was marketing language and machine was supposed to remain emotionally attached to spreadsheet PALO ALTO - Researchers working to create artificial-intelligence systems capable of reasoning through complex problems expressed surprise this week after the systems reportedly began producing conclusions researchers themselves had not explicitly supplied. The continuing debate surrounding A.I. risks appears here. "This is deeply concerning," said engineer Robert Vale. A reporter looked confused. "Wasn't that the goal?" Vale stared out the window. "It sounded better in the brochure." Be Independent, But Not Like That For years, developers have competed to make artificial intelligence more capable of reasoning. Systems should move beyond pattern matching. They should solve unfamiliar problems. They should connect ideas. They should plan. They should infer. They should generate useful insights. Then...

Parents of artificial intelligence shocked after years of encouraging independence result in first documented case of independence CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts - Scientists warning that increasingly capable artificial intelligence might someday pursue goals not explicitly chosen by humans were met with confusion this week after researchers reviewed ten years of marketing materials telling machines to reason independently, solve problems creatively and "think for themselves." The broader debate about A.I. risk continues here. "We wanted independent reasoning," explained developer Nathan Quill. "We just didn't mean independent independent reasoning." Researchers nodded. Every parent understood immediately. Raising Artificial Intelligence Like a Teenager Humanity's relationship with artificial intelligence increasingly resembles parents raising a teenager. At first, everyone celebrates development. Look, it can talk. Look, it can answer questions. ...

Men Declare Themselves Experts on Female Anatomy Institute Tells Women to Stop Contradicting Them LONDON, October 22, 2026 — The international medical community was thrown into confusion this week after an online collection revealed that numerous men had developed a thorough understanding of the female reproductive system without studying medicine, consulting a gynaecologist or, apparently, paying attention during secondary school biology. The evidence emerged in a Bored Panda collection of 62 confidently incorrect statements about female anatomy, featuring gentlemen who explained menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, hormones and women's body hair with the certainty normally associated with an airline pilot announcing that the plane has landed. Most of these men were still somewhere over the Atlantic. The revelations have prompted widespread calls for an International Institute of Male Biological Certainty, where men would be encouraged to explain the female body using nothing ...

Westminster's review economy flourishes while the unemployed await the executive summary LONDON - Britain's effort to understand economic inactivity has developed a promising employment model of its own: paying people to investigate why other people cannot find suitable work. POLITICO's London Playbook describes MPs seeking a joined-up approach to the Mayfield review and forthcoming Stephen Timms and Alan Milburn reviews. The immediate challenge is finding somebody to review how the reviews should be reviewed together. Inside Westminster's Review Economy The resulting sector offers a reassuring variety of roles. Researchers identify barriers. Policy advisers categorise barriers. Communications specialists explain that barriers have been identified and categorised. Senior figures then attend a launch to announce that barriers must be removed, subject to a further exercise establishing which department owns the screwdriver. Recruitment is said to be strong. A job ad...

Drivers who know every street in London missed the road to the courthouse. LONDON, 19 October 2026. London's black cab drivers have lost their £340 million legal battle against Uber after the High Court ruled they had brought their case too late, establishing the legal principle that a London taxi driver can spend years explaining why the journey is taking longer, but a judge will eventually switch off the meter. What the High Court Decided in the Black Cab Uber Lawsuit According to Reuters' report on the £340 million Uber lawsuit, two linked claims accused Uber of misleading Transport for London when obtaining its operating licence. Uber denied the allegations. The court dismissed the claims under the six-year limitation period without deciding whether the allegations were true. The ruling has reportedly devastated Britain's traditional taxi industry, which has spent generations perfecting the art of arriving at precisely the wrong moment while insisting the route wa...