Bohiney Satrical Journalism

Philanthropist Confirms Donation Was Both Genuinely Generous And Extremely Well-Structured From A Fiscal Perspective UPPER EAST SIDE, NEW YORK — Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report, with philanthropic context from Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat , that financier Robert Harrington has donated $35 million to the Metropolitan Museum of Art for a new wing that will house the museum’s expanded collection of contemporary works and will be named the Harrington Wing, a naming convention that the museum describes as “an honor reflecting the transformative generosity of a visionary donor” and that tax lawyers, when asked generally about philanthropic naming rights arrangements, describe as “a fair market value exchange for the naming rights that can be deducted as a charitable contribution to the extent the donation exceeds the estimated value of the naming benefit received,” which is a sentence that is less inspiring as an inscription for a museum wing but is more precise abo...

Legislation Would Enshrine Every New Yorker’s Right To Hear And Produce The Noise That Is The City’s True Cultural Heritage MANHATTAN, NEW YORK — Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report that City Council Member Diego Rivera of the 39th District has introduced Intro. 2247, the Cultural Sonic Heritage Protection Act, which would formally recognize New York City residents’ right to “participate in the acoustic culture of their neighborhood” and would restrict the application of noise ordinances in ways that the bill’s sponsor describes as “protecting the vibrant urban energy that makes New York what it is” and that the bill’s opponents describe as “eliminating the mechanism by which I can ask my neighbor to stop playing music at 2 a.m.” The legislation was inspired, Rivera told reporters, by complaints from his constituents — musicians, nightlife venue operators, restaurant owners, and a neighbor of Rivera’s who plays traditional Dominican music on Sunday afternoons — that noise...

Annual Budget Cycle Produces Discovery Of Issues That Will Be Funded Partially Studied Thoroughly And Solved Approximately Never MANHATTAN, NEW YORK — Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report, with fiscal context from Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat , that New York City has entered its annual budget season with a $4.2 billion projected gap and the identification of 14 new “priority areas” that the Mayor’s Office of Management and Budget has proposed to address through a combination of partial funding, comprehensive study, and the specific municipal governance technique in which a problem is given a name, a working group, a budget line, and a one-year timeline before being folded into next year’s list of priority areas with a status notation of “ongoing.” The 14 new priority areas join 37 priority areas from the 2025 budget cycle, 29 from the 2024 cycle, and a cumulative list from previous cycles that OMB’s own records show has 213 items, of which 14 have been fully resol...

Bold Initiative Proposes Actually Constructing Residential Units Near Transit In Approach Economists Describe As Standard Policy ALBANY, NEW YORK — Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat report that Governor Kathy Hochul has announced a housing initiative that proposes to address New York’s housing shortage by building housing, an approach that housing policy experts describe as “correct” and that the communities adjacent to the proposed building sites describe as “concerning for a variety of reasons that are not about housing construction per se.” The initiative targets 800,000 new units by 2030, concentrating development near transit hubs in the New York City metropolitan area, and includes state preemption authority that would override local zoning restrictions preventing transit-adjacent density, which is the provision that community groups are most focused on and which housing economists have identified as the most important element of any plan that intends to produce actual ho...

Real Estate Listing Language Achieves New Levels of Creative Interpretation in Market Where a Window Is Expansive and the Bathroom Is Thoughtful Originally reported by Bohiney Magazine and cross-posted to The London Prat , where the editors have strong opinions about everything that follows. NEW YORK — A Manhattan rental listing for a 180-square-foot apartment priced at $2,400 per month described the unit as “studio efficiency living at its most refined,” a phrase that has entered New York real estate vocabulary as an example of what happens when the gap between available space and required cost reaches a point at which listing language must do extraordinary rhetorical work to bridge it. The unit features a sleeping loft accessible by ladder, a two-burner induction cooktop, an 18-by-24-inch window described as “expansive,” and a bathroom sized for one adult operating under time pressure. The listing received forty-three inquiries in six days. New York City’s housing market is the e...

Whoopi Goldberg’s Vision of Racism How She Sees Oppression in Everything, Everywhere, All at Once Whoopi Goldberg doesn’t just see race—she detects it, dissects it, and then files an official complaint. When most people hear the word “white,” they think of a color. Whoopi? She hears a dog whistle. It’s why she recently declared The White Lotus to be too Caucasian . The show, which features wealthy elites behaving badly at luxury resorts, apparently didn’t have enough melanin to pass her personal racial purity test. But Whoopi’s race-detection skills extend far beyond television. She can sense white supremacy in things most people wouldn’t even consider racist—like snow, chess, and even cauliflower. The Racist Nature of Snow Whoopi has allegedly been investigating why snow is always white. “Why doesn’t it snow in a more inclusive shade of brown?” she recently mused on The View . She believes snow is part of an ancient conspiracy to promote whiteness as the default color of the wo...