Bohiney Satrical Journalism

As long as one ayatollah has a microphone, the war is going splendidly. TEHRAN, IRAN, October 19, 2026 - Iran's ruling clerics have declared an unprecedented military triumph over the United States, explaining that the continued existence of even one senior religious official able to issue threats is overwhelming proof that the Islamic Republic has defeated the world's most powerful conventional military. The remarkable reading of military success comes as American forces continue to show overwhelming technological superiority, while Iran tries to offset its conventional disadvantages through regional attacks and disruptions to commercial shipping. According to a Reuters investigation into Iranian strikes against Gulf infrastructure, Iran and its allies have shown they can damage economically important facilities despite heavy military losses. Tehran takes this as proof that losing battles is entirely compatible with winning wars. The regime has reportedly introduced a new mi...

Rally Attendee Earns Heavyweight Review With No Training Camp PENDLETON, SOUTH CAROLINA, October 21, 2026 - A man in a blue T-shirt with no known boxing record, no announced training camp and no promoter received the most prestigious review of his career Wednesday night, when the President of the United States compared him to Evander Holyfield, who was standing in the building. The review came during Donald Trump's appearance at Clemson University's T. Ed Garrison Arena, a livestock facility whose regular clientele has never been compared to a heavyweight champion, in support of Republican Senate candidate Darline Graham. According to the Meaww account of the rally, the attendee followed a protester who was being escorted out, appeared to strike him on the head and was restrained by police while the protester was removed. Associated Press reporting on the rally put the number of protesters who interrupted the first half-hour at roughly ten, and FITSNews counted at least eleve...

Rally Attendee Earns Heavyweight Review With No Training Camp PENDLETON, SOUTH CAROLINA, October 21, 2026 - A man in a blue T-shirt with no known boxing record, no announced training camp and no promoter received the most prestigious review of his career Wednesday night, when the President of the United States compared him to Evander Holyfield, who was standing in the building. The review came during Donald Trump's appearance at Clemson University's T. Ed Garrison Arena, a livestock facility whose regular clientele has never been compared to a heavyweight champion, in support of Republican Senate candidate Darline Graham. According to the Meaww account of the rally, the attendee followed a protester who was being escorted out, appeared to strike him on the head and was restrained by police while the protester was removed. Associated Press reporting on the rally put the number of protesters who interrupted the first half-hour at roughly ten, and FITSNews counted at least eleve...

Protesters Seek the Means of Attention, Find Security PENDLETON, SOUTH CAROLINA, October 21, 2026 - What began as an ordinary Donald Trump campaign rally descended into an unscheduled seminar on Marxist economics Wednesday evening when a procession of hecklers attempted to overthrow the established speaking order, only to discover that the proletarian revolution had arrived in South Carolina without checking the audience's political preferences. The confrontation unfolded during President Trump's appearance at Clemson University's T. Ed Garrison Arena, which the university describes as the largest livestock showcase facility in South Carolina, in support of Republican Senate candidate Darline Graham. The venue's regular clientele is cattle, who by every account behaved better. According to Associated Press reporting on the South Carolina Trump rally, roughly ten protesters interrupted the first half-hour of the president's remarks, one became involved in a confron...

Humanity postpones existential reflection because bulldog still needs bicorne hat and historically inaccurate cavalry background LOS ANGELES - Researchers warning that artificial intelligence could create serious long-term risks finally secured the public's full attention Friday, although citizens requested approximately seven additional minutes to finish generating pictures of household pets dressed as nineteenth-century military leaders. The continuing debate surrounding A.I. risks appears here. "Catastrophic risk sounds concerning," said accountant Megan Foster. "But look at Winston." Winston is a French bulldog. He was dressed as Napoleon. Researchers admitted the image was excellent. Your Cat as the Pope: Why Technology Policy Can't Compete This is the central problem facing technology policy. Artificial intelligence raises questions about labor, misinformation, security, autonomy and long-term control. It also turns your cat into the Pope. Publi...

Megyn Kelly Investigates James Talarico's Missing Nine Days, Discovers Democrats Can Disappear Without Anyone in Texas Noticing a Difference Texas Democrat returns after nine days with the flu, prompting questions about whether his political career might benefit from another nine days of bed rest. Meanwhile, state officials struggle to identify a single essential service that stopped functioning during his absence. AUSTIN, TEXAS — Texas Democratic Senate candidate James Talarico is back on the campaign trail after nine days away, ending a political crisis that left Texans asking one question: was he gone? The absence drew the attention of Megyn Kelly, a long line of conservative commentators, several political operatives and The Daily Beast, whose coverage of the Talarico controversy is linked here. His return, unfortunately for him, raised a worse question than the one it answered. What exactly did Texas lose during those nine days? The lights stayed on across the ERCOT grid. ...