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Joy Behar Suffers a “Marxian Stroke”

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Joy Behar Suffers a “Marxian Stroke” Live on The View, Doctors Confirm Medical Breakthrough or Political Meltdown? 212 Straight TRUMP Wins Cause Joy Behar to Stroke Out! Joy Behar, beloved daytime host and part-time political commentator, shocked audiences when she appeared to suffer what experts now diagnose as a “Marxian Stroke” live on The View . This newly classified medical phenomenon, coined in 2008, is reportedly caused by years of pent-up hope for a glorious Marxist utopia—followed by the crushing reality that not even Obama went all-in on full communism. One expert explained, “It starts with optimism—single-payer healthcare dreams, nationalized pudding factories—then, after years of political disappointments, the brain just snaps.” Dr. Felix Redhammer, head of the Marxist Studies and Neurological Collapse Center , clarified the condition: “The patient shows signs of ideological dissonance, uncontrollable word salad, and, most importantly, repeating statements from ...
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Times Square Naked Cowboy Starts OnlyFans

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Yeehaw paywall According to reports , Times Square’s Naked Cowboy has launched an OnlyFans , promising “more strum for your thumb.” The longtime tourist attraction is now selling exclusive videos of country songs, laundry tips for tighty-whities, and fitness routines involving nothing but boots and a smile. Tourists are shocked yet intrigued. “I came for a photo, stayed for the subscription,” said one midwestern mom. Locals joke that it’s “the first time Times Square content is worth paying for.” A rival street performer, the Naked Violinist, has accused him of “string-based brand theft.” TikTok’s #BootyBallad trend strummed: duets with the cowboy’s songs, pranksters busking in diapers, and one viral dance where commuters strummed MetroCards like guitars. A grandma’s reaction video—”Lord forgive me, but I subscribed”—hit 12 million views. Tabloids picked. The Post belted: “NAKED PAYDAY.” The Daily News countered: “YEEHAW CASH COW.” Mayor Adams shrugged: “If it keeps tourists dis...
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Your Romantic Downfall This Valentine’s Day

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9 Terrible Pieces of Advice to Guarantee Your Romantic Downfall This Valentine’s Day The Secret to Love? 1. Set Unrealistically High Expectations True love means everything has to be perfect . The dinner must be Michelin-star quality, the gift must include rare jewels, and your romantic playlist should make Shakespeare weep. If it’s anything less, it’s clearly a failure. Remember: romance is about creating a completely unattainable standard that no one, not even Cupid, could meet. 2. Communicate Exclusively Through Cryptic Texts Why use clear communication when emojis and passive-aggressive silence work just fine? Want to tell your partner you love them? Send a string of 47 heart-eye emojis and a mysterious “We need to talk.” Ambiguity keeps relationships spicy… or utterly confusing. 3. Surprise Your Partner with a Life-Altering Decision Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to reveal something huge—like quitting your job to become a mime or adopting 17 ferrets. Nothing s...
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NYC Bagel Shops Launch Loyalty Program With Cream Cheese Tattoos

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Spread the love According to reports , bagel shops across the city have launched a loyalty program where customers get free bagels for life if they tattoo cream cheese on their bodies. The “Spread the Love” initiative has already attracted thousands of hungry fans willing to ink schmear on arms, legs, and questionable places. One Williamsburg man proudly showed off his everything bagel sleeve tattoo, while another Upper West Sider regretted a poorly drawn scallion cream cheese tramp stamp. Tattoo parlors are booked out, offering deals like “lox included” and “get your twelfth schmear free.” TikTok’s #BagelTattoo trend is spreading: influencers getting micro-bagels on their wrists, pranksters tattooing plain toast, and one man regretting a full back piece of “low-fat whipped.” A viral clip showed a grandma getting a sesame bagel tattoo, declaring, “This is for the culture.” Tabloids ate it up. The Post smeared: “INK AND SPREAD.” The Daily News countered: “TATTOOED TASTEBUDS.” May...
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Every Star Trek Episode Ever

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Everything That Happens in Every Star Trek Episode Ever Where No Plot Has Gone Before, But Always Ends Up Again “Captain Kirk dated more aliens than anyone on Tinder, and he didn’t even have Wi-Fi.” — Amy Schumer The Captain’s Log: AKA the Space Diary Every episode of Star Trek kicks off with the most dramatic diary entry in the universe. The captain begins his personal TED Talk to nobody in particular, talking to a computer with more charisma than your average politician. Captain’s Log, Stardate 2356.6: We’re boldly going to a planet that suspiciously looks like a Hollywood backlot. Why? Because it builds tension, and who doesn’t want to start their day with the anxiety-inducing voice of a man who’s seen some stuff? The Away Team – A Lesson in Casual Redshirt Fatality When the away team suits up, you can immediately tell who’s coming back alive. Spoiler: it’s not the guy in the red shirt. He might as well be wearing a bullseye. Captain, we’ve detected a hostile life form!...
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Coney Island Ferris Wheel Converted Into Airbnb

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Spin and stay According to reports , Coney Island’s iconic Ferris wheel has been converted into a 24-room Airbnb. Guests can now rent gondolas by the night, spinning gently while listening to the soothing screams of rollercoaster riders. Each “room” comes with a sleeping bag, carnival snacks, and a warning that the bathroom is 100 feet below. Tourists love it. “It’s like camping, but with more seagulls and funnel cake grease,” said one guest. Couples book the top gondola for romantic sunsets, though one proposal was interrupted by a child throwing cotton candy. Locals worry about noise, particularly after guests tried grilling kebabs mid-ride. TikTok’s #FerrisAirbnb trend is spinning: clips of influencers decorating gondolas like boho lofts, pranksters rocking cars to spill drinks, and one man livestreaming a 12-hour nap while circling endlessly. Reviews vary: “Best sleep of my life” versus “Woke up with a churro in my hair.” Tabloids revolved. The Post shouted: “LOOP AND LODGE.”...
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Trump says he won’t deport Prince Harry

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U.S. President Donald Trump said he wouldn’t deport Prince Harry , while insulting the prince’s wife, Meghan Markle , in the same breath over the weekend. “I don’t want to do that,” said Trump, referring to kicking the royal out of the country, while speaking to  the New York Post . “I’ll leave him alone. He’s got enough problems with his wife. She’s terrible.” “Harry’s response was so polite, Trump probably didn’t even realize he got roasted.” – Seth Meyers Whole Britain Laughs as Trump Calls Meghan Markle ‘Terrible’: A Satirical Take on the Royal Roast When Donald Trump decided to wade into the British monarchy debate, calling Meghan Markle “terrible” and Prince Harry “weak,” Britain collectively spit out its tea, doubled over in laughter, and sent Piers Morgan into a media frenzy that could only be described as the journalist equivalent of Christmas morning. It was the kind of moment where satire writes itself—or, at the very least, politely curtsies before doing so. ...
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