Bohiney Satrical Journalism

League Says Patriotism Is Optional, Direct Deposit Mandatory ATLANTA, GEORGIA - The Women's National Basketball Association has introduced a bold new interpretation of American patriotism: the United States is a wonderful country in which to earn a living, negotiate sponsorship agreements, sell merchandise and pursue professional glory, but a somewhat inconvenient place to stand for 90 seconds while somebody sings the national anthem. According to an October 23 OutKick investigation into WNBA national anthem absences, players from the Atlanta Dream and Golden State Valkyries left the court before the anthem in each of the first three WNBA Finals games, returning shortly after the music ended. Coaches described the absences as a longstanding routine. The reasoning behind the routine proved remarkably hard to extract. The development has raised an intriguing question in American sports: how can professional athletes master zone defense, three-point shooting and multimillion-dollar ...

Britain's Newest Waterfall DENBIGHSHIRE, Wales — A hospital in North Wales has achieved something increasingly rare in the British public sector: a service operating continuously for almost three months without interruption. Unfortunately, the service was a broken tap. The tap in the emergency department at Ysbyty Glan Clwyd was reportedly left running for 81 days before being repaired. According to reporting on the hospital water leak, the fault was initially identified as a minor drip, but grew into a more substantial flow. A theoretical calculation suggested that a constantly running tap could have wasted more than one million litres, although the actual total is uncertain. Britain's healthcare administrators now face an uncomfortable question: why did a hospital containing sophisticated medical equipment struggle to obtain a replacement tap component? NHS Wales Waiting Lists: The Only Thing Without One Was the Tap The hospital's management, part of Betsi Cadwaladr...

Farmers Asked to Harvest With Good Intentions SACRAMENTO, California (Bohiney.com) — California Governor Gavin Newsom is facing the gravest political crisis of his administration: President Donald Trump has proposed something that might save California farmers money. The problem isn't the money. It's who suggested saving it. Trump signed Executive Order 14435 earlier this fall, providing temporary federal diesel-tax enforcement relief and permitting highway use of red-dyed diesel without federal penalties through the end of the year. The IRS has since confirmed that the relief covers federal tax only. Newsom's administration hasn't adopted corresponding statewide relief, leaving California farmers staring at diesel prices around $8.40 a gallon and the uncomfortable possibility that Trump might get credit for something useful. Sacramento's preferred solution appears to involve waiting until the fuel turns blue. Farmers, meanwhile, are examining whether political pr...

The Winning Play Is a Mailing Address INGLEWOOD, California (Bohiney.com) — The Rams and Chargers have finally found a contest more confusing than sharing SoFi Stadium: figuring out which billionaire should be penalized for living too close to his own football team. The Los Angeles Times reported that California's Proposition 40 could reach Chargers majority owner Dean Spanos while potentially sparing Rams owner Stan Kroenke. Both franchises use the same stadium. Their owners' potential tax treatment could differ because of residency and asset valuations. Nothing has been finally determined, but Sacramento has already managed to create an NFL matchup in which the winning play is a mailing address. Prop 40 and the NFL: The Home-Field Advantage Is Living Elsewhere Under Proposition 40, qualifying billionaires who were California residents on January 1, 2026 would face a one-time levy of 5% of net worth, with exclusions and valuation rules. The measure is meant to fund healt...

Palace Plans Playdate for Five Children, Coffee Shop for Four Adults LONDON, England — Prince William and Catherine, Princess of Wales, have reportedly suggested bringing Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's children together with their royal cousins, raising the possibility that five innocent children might accomplish something the British monarchy, several public relations firms and an army of highly paid advisers have failed to achieve: getting two grown brothers to behave themselves. According to an October 31 report in InStyle, royal expert Tom Quinn said William and Kate suggested a family reunion back in 2024. The proposal apparently went nowhere. This surprised absolutely nobody familiar with the Windsor family, where an invitation to afternoon tea can require six lawyers, three psychologists and an emergency meeting of the Privy Council. The latest royal reconciliation strategy is remarkably straightforward: bring the children, let the cousins enjoy themselves and hope the a...

OpenAI chief says idle RAM belongs in his data centers WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sam Altman has found a problem with the future of artificial intelligence: Americans still own computers, and some of them insist on using them. The OpenAI chief executive, whose business includes building enormous computing infrastructure, has questioned whether ordinary people should keep valuable memory in their own machines when it could be put to fuller use in centralized data centers. Altman made the argument on the Cheeky Pint podcast, during a discussion of memory shortages and local AI. Personal computers sit idle most of the day, he suggested, which makes them a poor use of scarce memory. To ordinary Americans, this sounded like a man with a swimming pool explaining why everybody else's bathtubs should be confiscated. To Silicon Valley, it sounded like Tuesday. The technical point has some merit. Shared infrastructure can reach higher utilization than machines left sitting around. The trouble is t...