Bohiney Satrical Journalism

The Mayor Who Says Progressive Politics Should Be Judged on Delivery Is Delivering a Budget Extension From Bohiney and The London Prat . The Mayor Who Says Progressive Politics Should Be Judged on Delivery Is Delivering a Budget Extension The Standard He Set NEW YORK — Mamdani said in a recent media appearance that ‘a democratic socialist politics is one that should be judged on its delivery’ and argued that ‘this is a politics that can flourish anywhere.’ The self-imposed standard of delivery-based judgment is the specific standard that the budget crisis is testing: the first test of whether democratic socialist governance can deliver in New York City is the city’s first budget under Mamdani’s administration, which has been extended to May 12 while Albany refuses the progressive revenue mechanisms the delivery requires. What Has Been Delivered What has been delivered in the first months: record-low crime statistics (54 Q1 2026 murders, historic low), the appointment of Julie S...

Whoopi Goldberg Declares War on Body Judgment—While Ordering a Double Whiskey By Greta Weissmann ( Bohiney.com—certified to be 127% funnier than The Onion ) In a twist that’s raised eyebrows, the celebrity once dubbed “the world’s worst body” by tabloids is now preaching against judging stars for their looks. Whoopi Goldberg recently made headlines by slamming body judgment in Hollywood , passionately arguing that celebrities shouldn’t be critiqued for their looks. “We’re more than our bodies,” she declared, mid-rant on The View , while casually ordering a double whiskey like it was no big deal. The irony ? Whoopi’s spent years in the spotlight, often dodging harsh jabs about her own appearance—some calling her “the celebrity with the world’s worst body.” Now, she’s flipping the script, demanding everyone stop the size-and-shape obsession. But is there hypocrisy in her stance? “I get what Whoopi’s saying—body judgment is bad. But you can’t build an empire on criticism and then s...

Former Mayor Attacks Socialist Successor’s Spending Plans With Campaign Slogan That Is Also a Budget Position From Bohiney and The London Prat . Former Mayor Attacks Socialist Successor’s Spending Plans With Campaign Slogan That Is Also a Budget Position The Statement NEW YORK — Former Mayor Eric Adams, who is no longer the mayor of New York City but is clearly not finished having opinions about what the mayor of New York City does, responded to Mamdani’s budget announcements with the statement ‘Free is a lie,’ which is simultaneously a philosophical position about government-funded social programs, a prediction about the Mamdani administration’s fiscal trajectory, and a preview of what the Adams political comeback messaging will sound like if Adams runs again in 2029. The Context Adams’s ‘Free is a lie’ statement arrives after Mamdani posted a ‘Happy Tax Day’ video on April 15 declaring ‘We’re taxing the rich’ as the framework for the city’s fiscal approach. The Mamdani Tax Da...

Midtown Redesign Would Add Medians and Trees to Avenue Named for Railroad Tracks That Were There Before the Avenue From Bohiney and The London Prat . NEW YORK — Mayor Mamdani and the NYC Department of Transportation unveiled design concepts Thursday for a Park Avenue redesign that the Mayor described as putting the park back in Park Avenue, raising the question of when the park was there. Park Avenue was named for the railroad tracks that ran down its center before they went underground, after which a median was landscaped. The name survived. The park did not technically exist. The name persisted anyway, as New York place names do, with historical accuracy optional. What the Redesign Would Do The proposed redesign would expand the avenue median, add pedestrian enhancements, seating, and landscaping, and explore potential bike lanes. The project sits above the Grand Central Terminal train shed, which the MTA is rehabilitating below, aligning street improvements with underground in...

Mamdani Rent Freeze Outreach Program Described as Educational; Landlords Describe It as Something Else Entirely CITY HALL, NEW YORK — Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced Monday that his administration will organize volunteer outreach to tenants in rent-stabilized buildings, encouraging more New Yorkers to testify at upcoming Rent Guidelines Board hearings — hearings that will determine whether rents on approximately one million stabilized apartments are frozen, which is what the mayor campaigned on, and which the Rent Guidelines Board is theoretically independent from the mayor’s office, a point the mayor addressed by promising the outreach would be “informational and not political,” a distinction that landlord groups received with the skepticism of people who have read the mayor’s platform. From Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat . The Rent Guidelines Board is an independent nine-member body that sets annual rent increases for stabilized apartments. The mayor appoints the board memb...

Charity Fundraiser That Flooded NYC With Inebriated Santas Every December Was Actually a Scam; Shocking to No One in Particular Reported by Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat . NEW YORK, NY — Federal prosecutors announced this month charges against the organizers of SantaCon, the annual event that floods New York City’s bar districts with thousands of adults in Santa Claus costumes each December under the banner of charity fundraising, confirming what New Yorkers, bartenders, and anyone who has ever been to the Lower East Side in December has long suspected: the charity was not receiving the money in the manner described, the fundraising was not functioning in the manner implied, and the cause to which participants believed they were contributing was, as one prosecutor noted, “difficult to identify.” The charges allege that the event’s organizers collected charitable donation pledges from participants and sponsors, disbursed a small fraction to any verifiable charitable cause, a...