Bohiney Satrical Journalism

London Nostalgia: When Ten Bob Becomes a Foreign Language Twelve once-obvious London references from the 1960s and seventies that now require footnotes, a translator and a visibly concerned grandchild LONDON — There comes a terrible moment in every Londoner's life when you make what you believe is a perfectly normal cultural reference and discover everyone under thirty-five is staring at you as though you have just quoted the Magna Carta from memory, in the original Latin, while pointing at a horse. You mention Green Shield Stamps. Silence. You say, "You know, like when you collected them at the petrol station." More silence. You add, "Then you stuck them in books." Now someone is quietly Googling whether Britain once operated a paper-based cryptocurrency backed by adhesive and hope. This, it turns out, is how ageing actually happens in London. Not with wrinkles. Not with aching knees. It happens the moment a twenty-four-year-old asks you, with genuine pity,...

Harry and Meghan Replaced in Their Own Botswana Love Story by Queen Elizabeth's Cousin, Palace Insists This Is Definitely Just a Coincidence Buckingham Palace discovers there are few subtler ways to remind the Sussexes they are no longer working royals than sending somebody else to the country where they fell in love LONDON — Buckingham Palace has announced that the Duke and Duchess of Gloucester will make an official visit to Botswana from October 5 to 8, representing King Charles during celebrations marking the country's 60th anniversary of independence. Botswana's government confirms that Prince Richard and Birgitte will meet President Duma Boko, attend a wreath-laying ceremony and visit national institutions. There is absolutely no official evidence that this was designed as a snub to Prince Harry and Meghan. Which, naturally, makes it an almost perfect royal snub. Botswana occupies an unusually personal place in the Sussex story. Harry took Meghan there for their t...

King Charles III Allegedly Told Princess Diana He Was 'Not Actually In Love' With Her Before Their 1981 Wedding The Wedding Where Romance Apparently Forgot to RSVP LONDON — New claims surrounding Princess Diana have once again placed King Charles III in the uncomfortable position of discovering that sentences allegedly uttered decades ago can survive longer than most governments, marriages and household appliances. In his new memoir, Swan Song: Diana, My Sister, Earl Spencer alleges Diana confided that Charles told her shortly before their July 1981 wedding that although he was happy to marry her, he was "not actually in love with her." Spencer says Diana believed Charles entered the marriage with his heart elsewhere. Reuters has reported on the strong sales and widespread attention surrounding Spencer's memoir as its publication date approaches. There are many ways to begin married life. Flowers. Champagne. A handwritten note. "I am not actually in love ...

Nolan's Odyssey: Homer Gets Recast as an Extra in His Own Movie Sixty times the director explained Bronze Age Greece to itself LOS ANGELES — Christopher Nolan took a three-thousand-year-old poem about a guy trying to get home and turned it into a three-hour movie about Christopher Nolan trying to get home. Same journey. Fewer monsters. Way more staring. Ron Fitzgerald, a stand-up who works the late set at a Sunset Strip club nobody's heard of, put it best after a screening. "I paid nineteen dollars to watch a man stare at the ocean for forty-five minutes and think about his father," he said. "That's not a movie. That's Thanksgiving." Classicists have spent the summer circling this film like seagulls around a dropped gyro, and the complaint keeps landing in the same spot: this isn't Homer trimmed for runtime. This is Homer, evicted, watching from the parking lot while a stranger moves into his house wearing his coat. The Gods Get Laid Off Ze...

Terry Bradshaw Torches Retirement Talk With Ten Blistering Comebacks The Hall of Fame quarterback proves he can still forget a name faster than America forgets a grudge LOS ANGELES — Terry Bradshaw stood in front of a Fox Sports camera this week and did what four Super Bowl rings, two Super Bowl MVPs, and forty years of live television could never quite teach him to do: apologize, pivot, and then immediately un-apologize with the swagger of a man who has never once lost an argument he can't remember starting. The internet, predictably, wanted blood. Bradshaw, predictably, gave it a shrug and a punchline instead. Why the Terry Bradshaw Retirement Talk Keeps Missing the Point It started, as these things always do, with one sentence. Bradshaw briefly forgot that Rob Gronkowski is a full-time member of the Fox NFL Sunday desk, not a vacation fill-in for Jimmy Johnson, and Curt Menefee had to gently remind a Hall of Fame quarterback who exactly was sitting three feet to his left...

Property brochure praises seamless indoor-outdoor design previously known to residents as exposure Estate Agent Adds £85,000 to Cardboard Box After Discovering Missing Wall Is "Open-Plan Living" Property brochure praises seamless indoor-outdoor design previously known to residents as exposure LONDON - A London estate agent has increased the asking price of a cardboard box by £85,000 after realising that its missing fourth wall could be marketed as "open-plan indoor-outdoor living." The property had originally been valued at £495,000. Following what agents described as "a fresh look at the architectural possibilities," the asking price is now £580,000. "It's all about language," explained estate agent Giles Fortescue. "One person sees a missing wall. We see a fluid relationship between domestic space and the wider urban environment." The property brochure describes the box as offering "panoramic pedestrian views, continuou...