Bohiney Satrical Journalism

Lawmakers summon artificial intelligence for questioning, spend first twenty minutes trying to unmute it WASHINGTON - Researchers warning that artificial intelligence may eventually surpass human intelligence faced intense congressional scrutiny Saturday after lawmakers demanded evidence that the event had not already occurred sometime during a recent committee hearing. The latest warnings appear amid renewed debate about A.I. risks covered here. Congressional Hearing on Artificial Intelligence Goes Off the Rails Members of Congress immediately announced hearings titled "Artificial Intelligence: Why Is It Artificial, Who Authorized It, and Can My District Receive Some?" The proceedings began when Chairman Vernon Bickett attempted to question an A.I. system remotely. "You are under oath," Bickett told a laptop. An aide whispered that the computer was muted. Bickett nodded gravely. "Classic evasion." Researchers have long discussed the possibility tha...

Industry says stopping capability created unacceptable friction between accelerator and revenue SAN FRANCISCO - Artificial-intelligence safety researchers urging technology companies to build reliable emergency controls into advanced systems suffered a major setback this week after Silicon Valley concluded that brakes were negatively affecting innovation. The current discussion of A.I. risk can be found here. "We remain deeply committed to safe acceleration," said executive Devin Kroll. "But after extensive testing, we discovered the brake pedal could theoretically slow the vehicle." Engineers were stunned. Venture capitalists were horrified. The brake was removed immediately. Slowing Down vs. Compound Annual Growth Technology policy has increasingly become a debate between people asking whether society should slow down and people asking whether the first group understands compound annual growth. Safety researchers advocate evaluations, monitoring, containmen...

£100 fines are coming. Staff to issue them are not. LONDON, October 24, 2026 - British commuters suffering through aggressive drunks, abusive football supporters, threatening strangers and teenagers broadcasting TikTok videos at the volume of an aircraft engine have received welcome news from Prime Minister Andy Burnham: the government has discovered that antisocial behaviour is unpleasant and intends to do something about it, provided that something can be printed on a poster. According to The Guardian's October 23 report on antisocial behaviour on British public transport, passengers increasingly complain about noisy phones, intimidating behaviour, offensive football chants and the apparent disappearance of basic consideration. The government responded by launching a campaign encouraging passengers to use headphones and treat other travellers respectfully. Announcing the measures on October 19, Burnham said the noise "gets on your nerves and can quickly spoil the journey....

League Says Patriotism Is Optional, Direct Deposit Mandatory ATLANTA, GEORGIA - The Women's National Basketball Association has introduced a bold new interpretation of American patriotism: the United States is a wonderful country in which to earn a living, negotiate sponsorship agreements, sell merchandise and pursue professional glory, but a somewhat inconvenient place to stand for 90 seconds while somebody sings the national anthem. According to an October 23 OutKick investigation into WNBA national anthem absences, players from the Atlanta Dream and Golden State Valkyries left the court before the anthem in each of the first three WNBA Finals games, returning shortly after the music ended. Coaches described the absences as a longstanding routine. The reasoning behind the routine proved remarkably hard to extract. The development has raised an intriguing question in American sports: how can professional athletes master zone defense, three-point shooting and multimillion-dollar ...

Britain's Newest Waterfall DENBIGHSHIRE, Wales — A hospital in North Wales has achieved something increasingly rare in the British public sector: a service operating continuously for almost three months without interruption. Unfortunately, the service was a broken tap. The tap in the emergency department at Ysbyty Glan Clwyd was reportedly left running for 81 days before being repaired. According to reporting on the hospital water leak, the fault was initially identified as a minor drip, but grew into a more substantial flow. A theoretical calculation suggested that a constantly running tap could have wasted more than one million litres, although the actual total is uncertain. Britain's healthcare administrators now face an uncomfortable question: why did a hospital containing sophisticated medical equipment struggle to obtain a replacement tap component? NHS Wales Waiting Lists: The Only Thing Without One Was the Tap The hospital's management, part of Betsi Cadwaladr...

Farmers Asked to Harvest With Good Intentions SACRAMENTO, California (Bohiney.com) — California Governor Gavin Newsom is facing the gravest political crisis of his administration: President Donald Trump has proposed something that might save California farmers money. The problem isn't the money. It's who suggested saving it. Trump signed Executive Order 14435 earlier this fall, providing temporary federal diesel-tax enforcement relief and permitting highway use of red-dyed diesel without federal penalties through the end of the year. The IRS has since confirmed that the relief covers federal tax only. Newsom's administration hasn't adopted corresponding statewide relief, leaving California farmers staring at diesel prices around $8.40 a gallon and the uncomfortable possibility that Trump might get credit for something useful. Sacramento's preferred solution appears to involve waiting until the fuel turns blue. Farmers, meanwhile, are examining whether political pr...