Bohiney Satrical Journalism

Maine Democrats Introduce Revolutionary Candidate Screening Process: Ask Questions After The Nomination Voters Unsure Whether They're Electing A Senator, A Redemption Arc, Or The Final Season Of A Prestige Crime Drama AUGUSTA, MAINE — Maine voters entered the 2026 Senate race expecting the usual political menu: taxes, healthcare, inflation, lobster prices, and vague promises about "bringing people together." Instead, they found themselves binge-watching what political scientists now classify as a multi-season streaming series involving tattoos, Reddit posts, text messages, ex-girlfriends, campaign meltdowns, emergency endorsements, and enough plot twists to require a flowchart. The controversy surrounding Democratic Senate candidate Graham Platner has become so extensive that several Maine voters reportedly assumed "The Mainechurian Candidate" was not a political nickname but an upcoming documentary series on Netflix, streaming Tuesdays, with a mid-season cl...

Thong and Dance: Carnival's Lifou Bikini Ban Has Cruise Passengers Clutching Their Cover-Ups MIAMI  |  In a development that has rattled the foundations of American leisure, Carnival Cruise Line has reminded passengers that one of its South Pacific ports would prefer they keep their clothes on. The port is Lifou, a tribal island in New Caledonia, and the request is so mild that it would not register as news anywhere except a cruise ship, where the absence of a buffet is treated as a constitutional emergency. The reminder went out aboard the Carnival Splendor, a 3,012-passenger vessel that left Sydney on a quiet Saturday and arrived at Lifou the following Tuesday at nine in the morning. Somewhere between those two events, several hundred adults discovered that the world contains places where a person cannot wear a fluorescent string and call it an outfit. According to the cruise blog Cruise Hive, the ship's master sent a polite letter to every stateroom. The letter asked for m...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Bohiney.com Legal Desk Your God-Given American Right to Mock Powerful People: A Satirist's Legal Survival Guide Good news, fellow ridicule-merchants: the United States Constitution — that magnificent document written by a bunch of guys who were basically professional satirists of the British Crown — still has your back. Mostly. Sort of. As long as you don't do anything stupid, which, let's be honest, is a high bar for people in the satire business. What follows is a sweeping legal brief on exactly how much mockery is protected in America, when you can expect a lawsuit from a humorless billionaire, and what happens when Google decides your entirely legitimate satire website is somehow "spammy." Grab a gavel. Or a rubber chicken. Both are appropriate here. The First Amendment: America's Original Burn Book Satire in the United States enjoys what lawyers call "broad First Amendment protection," which is a fancy way of saying yo...

  London Vacation Planning: The Unexpected Joy Of London Bookshops Many tourists plan museum visits. Far fewer plan bookshop visits. This is a mistake. Funny Observation: Bookshops Appear To Bend Time You enter intending to browse for five minutes. An hour disappears. Nobody can explain it. Funny Observation: Every Shelf Creates New Reading Ambitions Visitors suddenly decide they're ready to read biographies, history, poetry, architecture, and Victorian detective novels. Funny Observation: Books Are The Heaviest Souvenirs People purchase them anyway. Future luggage problems are treated as tomorrow's issue. Helpful Bookshop Advice Explore independent stores as well as famous locations. Many offer cafés, events, and unique local character. The Secret Bookshops reveal what a city thinks about itself. London thinks about a lot of things. SOURCE: bigsmokebroke.com crownandclown.uk ditchpitch.uk shoreroar.com uklondon.info prat.uk

MOBILE, Alabama — In a stunning development that has rocked the nation's philosophical foundations and prompted at least three people to reconsider their relationship with their car keys, a local Mobile, Alabama locksmith has been quietly operating a 24-hour automobile rescue service for prices so reasonable they have left economists baffled, conspiracy theorists suspicious, and stranded motorists openly weeping with gratitude in Walmart parking lots across Mobile County. The company is called All Auto Unlock, and sources close to the investigation confirm that yes, they really do charge $50 to unlock your car. Fifty. American. Dollars. Mobile Alabama Shocked as Local Locksmith Charges Fair Price, Doesn't Disappear "I thought it was a typo," said Darlene Hutchins, 47, who locked her keys in her Chevy Silverado outside a Waffle House on Airport Boulevard at 11:30 PM last October. "I've been burned before. I called one of those national 1-800 numbers once a...

  Dry British Humour: The Essential Guide to the Flattest, Most Rewarding Comedy Form on Earth Dry British humour is comedy that refuses to acknowledge it is comedy. The observation is made in the tone of a factual statement. The absurdity is presented as routine. The devastating critique is delivered as a mild administrative note. And the audience, if they are paying attention, finds the whole thing extremely funny — not because it was presented as funny, but because they were attentive enough to notice that it was. This is the core proposition. Everything that follows is elaboration. What "Dry" Actually Means Here The dryness is the absence of moisture — of warmth, of performance, of signal. Dry humour is comedy that has been stripped of all the signals that conventional comedy uses to indicate that a joke is present. No exaggerated tone. No pause for effect. No knowing look. No break in the performance register. Just the observation, delivered flat, and then the comedian ...