Bohiney Satrical Journalism

Scammers Want Your Money. Unfortunately, They've Emailed a Nation Where Everyone Has a Strong Opinion, a Lawyer's Phone Number and Nothing but Time. AUSTIN, Texas — Email scammers have finally reached the United States, a country where every citizen has an opinion, a lawyer's phone number and a firm view on who deserves to be scammed, and where the national response to a stranger offering free money is a long pause and the words who is this? The ten scams below are recognizable American email fraud schemes, not an official statistical ranking. The FTC's guidance on impersonation scams and the FTC's fraud reporting site describe many of these tactics. Same ten emails as ever. This time they've been sent to twenty towns across the country, and the towns have thoughts. American suspicion is regional. Texans will say bless your heart, which means something else entirely. Minnesotans will apologize to the scammer and offer him a casserole. New Yorkers will tell him...

Zelenskyy Declares Russian Oil Refineries Open for Business, Business Expected to Last Approximately Eleven Seconds Burnham pledges Britain's full support, Trump watches his Russian diesel agreement go up in smoke, and American truckers congratulate London on its generosity with other people's fuel money. LONDON, 15 October 2026 — Prime Minister Andy Burnham told Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy at Downing Street on Wednesday that Britain was "behind you and that will not change." On Thursday, Reuters reported, citing the Financial Times, that Zelenskyy had said Ukraine's pause on strikes against Russian oil refineries was over. The pause had lasted less than a week. American truck drivers, who are watching diesel prices sit near $6.27 a gallon, asked whether Downing Street might consider standing behind someone who has to buy fuel. Nobody at Downing Street could say. A spokesman said the Prime Minister's position on Ukraine was set out clearly on W...

British Royal Protocol Defined as Turning Perfectly Normal Human Activities Into Expensive Administrative Emergencies, Buckingham Palace Orders Investigation Into Who Permitted Such an Accurate Definition From Henry VIII's Official Toilet Attendants to Parliament's Ceremonial Hostage, 500 Years of British Royal History Suggest the Monarchy Has Never Encountered a Simple Human Activity It Couldn't Turn Into a Constitutional Procedure British Royal Protocol: The World's Most Elaborate System for Making Simple Things Complicated LONDON. British historians investigating the origins of royal protocol have discovered that the monarchy spent approximately 500 years developing elaborate procedures to stop members of the Royal Family from doing ordinary things without supervision, witnesses, specialist clothing or somebody carrying a ceremonial stick. The findings explain why the average British citizen can eat breakfast, use the lavatory, answer the front door, greet a fr...

Scientists Spend $900,000 Searching for Amelia Earhart's Missing Airplane, Admit They May Have Found a Tree After 89 years, 17 researchers, five days at sea and millions of dollars spent over the decades, humanity is finally approaching the moment when experts can tell the difference between a Lockheed Electra and a piece of driftwood. NIKUMARORO, KIRIBATI  — American scientists have announced they may be days away from solving the 89-year mystery of Amelia Earhart's disappearance, although a disagreement has developed over whether the object they are investigating is a missing airplane or a tree. According to CBS News' report on the Nikumaroro expedition, researchers have arrived at a remote Pacific island to examine underwater evidence that may finally reveal what happened to the pioneering aviator, provided the evidence doesn't turn out to have branches. The 17-member expedition, supported by Purdue University, travelled five days by boat to investigate a possibl...

Prince William Finds Harry and Meghan's Behaviour Distasteful, Palace Confirms Future King Has Not Found Anything Tasteful Since 2018 William objects to his brother earning money, his sister-in-law selling jam, and the Sussexes helping the poor, while Buckingham Palace struggles to explain why inheriting £21.6 million is more respectable than working for it. LONDON — Prince William has reportedly found yet another aspect of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's behaviour distasteful, extending an eight-year stretch in which Britain's future monarch has struggled to find anything involving his younger brother that meets his increasingly exacting standards of good taste. The latest disagreement, reported amid renewed attention to the Sussexes and Prince William's relationship, has led constitutional experts to ask whether the Prince of Wales is suffering from ordinary brotherly irritation or has developed a hereditary inability to approve of anything. William reportedly ob...

A trained apothecary who knew exactly what his cough meant, a doctor who starved him on anchovies, and a poet dead at twenty-five with his best work already written ROME, 23 February 1821 - John Keats died at about eleven o'clock at night in a small rented room beside the Spanish Steps, with his friend, the painter Joseph Severn, holding him. He was twenty-five years old. In just over four years of serious writing he had produced the odes, Lamia, Hyperion and some of the finest sonnets in the English language. He was killed by a disease that, today, would be treated with a few tablets a day and a firm talking-to about taking them regularly. The Disease Keats Had Seen Coming Keats had known tuberculosis intimately. His mother had died of it, and so, in December 1818, did his younger brother Tom, whom John nursed through the final months. In February 1820, Keats coughed up a spot of bright blood onto his pillow. He looked at it for a moment and told his friend Charles Brown, wi...