Bohiney Satrical Journalism

Mamdani Declares War on Empty Mansions, Common Sense Reports Collateral Damage New York's latest tax proposal targets the ultra-rich with the precision of a heat-seeking invoice, and the economic logic of a raccoon running for office. Zohran Mamdani has backed a new pied-a-terre tax aimed at ultra-expensive second homes worth more than $5 million, a proposal expected to land on billionaires like Jeff Bezos, Michael Dell, and other residents whose Manhattan apartments contain more chandeliers than occupants. The plan is projected to raise roughly $500 million annually, assuming billionaires behave like sedentary livestock rather than the helicopter-owning migratory species they are. Supporters call it fairness. Critics call it a mugging with a clipboard. Everyone agrees it is, fundamentally, about someone else's money, which remains the only kind of money American politics still finds interesting. Zohran Mamdani has backed a pied-a-terre tax targeting ultra-expensive second hom...

Meta Tracks Workers' Clicks to Build AI That Can Also Ignore Human Feelings on Schedule Five Humorous Observations - At last, a machine that understands middle management perfectly, right down to the dead-eyed nod. - The AI can process emotion by skipping it instantly, a skill previously held only by HR and certain stepfathers. - Workers said morale was low. The algorithm marked that as background noise and recommended a pizza party. - Nothing trains empathy quite like surveillance. Just ask any kid raised by a Ring camera. - The robot already schedules meetings nobody wants and ends them three minutes over. It's that good. A Robot That Finally Understands Your Boss MENLO PARK, Calif. — Meta confirmed this week that it is tracking employee clicks to build a next-generation AI capable of handling modern business needs, including the efficient ignoring of human feelings on a quarterly cadence. Executives say the system learns from real workplace behavior. Critics say re...

In a recent analysis, USA Today unveiled a comprehensive map detailing the balance of federal funding across states. The report highlights disparities in how much federal money states receive compared to what they contribute in taxes. Notably, states like New Mexico benefit from higher per capita federal funding, while others, such as Massachusetts, receive less than they contribute. This visualization underscores the complex financial interdependencies between state and federal governments, challenging common perceptions about fiscal self-sufficiency and dependency. “Isn’t it ironic how some states denounce ‘big government’ while holding out their hands for federal funds? It’s like a teenager demanding independence but still asking for gas money.” —Jon Stewart We Learned… The Federal Sugar Daddy Syndrome Imagine a rebellious teenager who constantly criticizes their parents’ rules yet never misses an opportunity to collect their allowance. This is akin to states that vehemently...

Call of Duty’s Generative AI Experiment: Now Featuring Six-Fingered Soldiers and Floating Cupcakes A Future Where AI Designs Your Warzone Blunders Call of Duty, once known for its meticulous attention to military realism (or at least its ability to make you rage-quit in under three minutes), has boldly entered the world of generative AI . And, as expected, it has resulted in absolute chaos. From characters with extra limbs to weapons seemingly sourced from a 5-year-old’s crayon drawing, Call of Duty has become the testing ground for an AI that was clearly trained on fever dreams and kindergarten scribbles. Let’s dive deep into the AI-generated nightmare that is Call of Duty’s latest artistic direction. The Six-Fingered Menace One of the first red flags in this artistic catastrophe was the sudden appearance of six-fingered characters in some in-game loading screens. Players, already accustomed to spotting hackers with inhuman reaction times, now had to question whether th...