Bohiney Satrical Journalism

Keir Starmer’s Great Socialist War: Sending British Troops to Ukraine for the EU’s Glory Britain’s Exit, Britain’s Return—With Tanks This Time LONDON— After years of telling the public that Brexit was a mistake, Keir Starmer has finally found a way to undo it. No, Britain isn’t rejoining the EU through a vote, a referendum, or a trade deal— it’s rejoining as a proud socialist soldier in the EU’s grand ideological war against capitalism . And what better way to prove one’s undying loyalty to Brussels than by sending British troops to fight for a war the UK has no business in? If there was ever a way to scream “Please take us back,” this is it. Sure, we left your union, but we’re still willing to die for your bureaucracy ! “So let me get this straight—Britain left the EU, but now we’re sending troops to fight for it? That’s like quitting your job and then volunteering for unpaid overtime!” – Michael McIntyre Starmer’s Mission: Proving That Britain Can Still Serve the EU Keir...

EU Declares Bankruptcy to Avoid Paying for a Disaster That Hasn’t Happened Yet The European Union Prepares for the Worst… By Saving Itself First BRUSSELS— In a groundbreaking preemptive move, the European Union has officially declared bankruptcy before the catastrophic earthquake in the Mediterranean has even hit. Citing “fiscal responsibility” and “forward-thinking insolvency,” EU leaders announced that, unfortunately, there just isn’t enough money to help Greece and Turkey recover from a disaster—especially one that hasn’t happened yet. Scientists are closely monitoring a seismic hotspot where tensions beneath the earth have been building for centuries. A densely populated metropolis sits dangerously close to a fault line primed for a major rupture. Experts warn that the next big shake could be far more devastating than previous quakes. — — dailygalaxy.com But don’t worry, officials assured the public that there is still plenty of money for bureaucrats, political elites,...