NYC AG Office Installs Accountability Bell

Ring for Service, Wait for Justice

The New York Attorney General’s office has installed a customer service bell in its lobby, inviting citizens to “ring for accountability” whenever they feel justice has been delayed, ignored, or lost in the mail. The brass bell, imported from a closed Walmart in upstate New York, has already been rung 47,000 times in its first week of operation.

“We’re really committed to transparency,” said a spokesperson for AG Letitia James, shouting over the constant dinging. “Every time someone rings that bell, we make a note of it. Well, we would make a note of it if we could hear ourselves think.”

The initiative comes after a Washington Post analysis found that the average New Yorker has a better chance of seeing Bigfoot than witnessing timely legal accountability from state officials. The bell, officials hope, will create “the illusion of responsiveness” while maintaining the office’s proud tradition of moving at geological speeds.

New York City residents have embraced the bell with characteristic enthusiasm and cynicism. “I rang it 47 times yesterday,” said Manhattan resident David Chen. “Nothing happened, but it was therapeutic. Like screaming into the void, but with better acoustics.”

The bell has already become a tourist attraction, with visitors lining up around the block to participate in what some are calling “performative democracy.” TripAdvisor reviews describe it as “more responsive than 311” and “the most honest government installation since the Department of Redundancy Department.”

Critics argue the bell is merely symbolic, noting that it’s connected to absolutely nothing and produces no legal outcomes. Supporters counter that this makes it perfectly representative of modern governance. “At least the bell actually makes a sound when you interact with it,” noted political satirist Marcus Johnson. “That’s more feedback than most government services provide.”

The AG’s office plans to expand the program, with installations planned for every county. Each bell will be slightly different in pitch, allowing citizens to create a “symphony of accountability” that officials can ignore in harmony.

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/letitia-james/

SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://bohiney.com/letitia-james/)

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