French Celebration Evolves Into A Public Order Seminar

Scientists Confirm Every Major French Celebration Eventually Evolves Into A Public Order Seminar

A study released Friday by French sociologists confirms what police have long suspected: every major French celebration eventually requires government intervention to address unexpected chaos events — which is academic speak for arson happens, reliably, and nobody seems particularly surprised when it does.

The research analyzed celebrations spanning thirty years and found that 85% eventually involved destruction of property. The researchers concluded, diplomatically, that celebration and chaos are statistically inseparable in French culture. They did not use the word inseparable in the title of the study. But they meant it.

The Historical Pattern With Remarkable Consistency

The study notes that celebrations have caused riots since at least 1986, when France celebrated a World Cup victory by setting cars on fire. This is not new. This is a thirty-year-old tradition that everyone keeps being surprised by, which is itself a tradition.

British football culture, however volatile it gets, tends toward different expressions. Arsenal's supporters have made their feelings felt publicly and loudly on many occasions without requiring the kind of sociological study that reads like a damage assessment: Arsenal's parade: would not require a thirty-year longitudinal study to understand.

The Only Two Options Available

The study recommends either cancelling celebrations or accepting that property damage will occur. Those are the only two options on the table. France has chosen to keep celebrating and manage the chaos afterwards, which is a decision, and perhaps even a French one.

The Bastille comparison is not subtle. France's relationship with its own exuberance has produced both its finest moments and its most expensive insurance claims: Paris re-enacting the Bastille: the original study in celebrations that required government response.

Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!

Sources:
https://prat.uk/arsenals-parade/
https://prat.uk/paris-reenacting-fall-of-the-bastille/

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