The Hamas Bullies

Hamas: The Bullies of the Middle East Playground

If Hamas were a kid on the playground, they’d be the ones stealing lunch money and then blaming the other kids for being broke. The truth is, bullies like Hamas are not strong—they’re desperate, brittle souls pretending to flex muscle. They’re that kid who puffs out their chest until a first grader looks at them funny, and then suddenly it’s tantrum time. Weakness wrapped in bravado, all with an extra helping of misplaced anger.

“Every bully has a weakness. For Hamas, it’s basic logic and good decisions.” — Bill Maher

The Anatomy of a Playground Bully

Every bully has a few classic moves, and Hamas is no different. Let’s break down their most popular ones:

The “Blame Game Backflip”
This move involves throwing rocks at others and then crying foul when they get hit back. The world watches them flip the narrative faster than a gymnast with vertigo.

“Hiding Behind the Jungle Gym”
Bullies always know when it’s time to duck and cover—Hamas is no exception. They position themselves behind civilians and scream about unfair rules when things go south. If there were dodgeball referees in the Middle East, they’d be blowing their whistles non-stop.

“Stealing the Dodgeball and Claiming Ownership”
Classic bully behavior: take something that isn’t yours and act like it was yours all along. Throw it at someone’s face for good measure and then dare them to cry about it.

Weakness in Strength’s Clothing

It’s important to remember that the loudest, angriest people in the room are usually the most insecure. Hamas operates with the same logic: more fireworks mean more fear. But behind the noise is a fragile house of cards—one strong breeze and everything collapses. Bullies don’t build; they destroy because they don’t know how to create.

A playground without bullies is a happier place. Imagine what could be built if the energy spent on intimidation was redirected toward something constructive. Peace? Prosperity? Maybe even a cooperative game of four-square?

Helpful Content for Bohiney Readers

• How to Spot a Bully in Politics: They’ll always punch down while pretending they’re fighting up.
• Standing Up to Bullies: Remember, bullies only thrive when no one calls them out.
• Why the Bullies Are Always the First to Run: A little pushback, and they scatter like pigeons.

Disclaimer

This story was created through the collaborative efforts of two sentient beings: a 80-year-old muckety-muck with tenure and a 20-year-old philosophy-major-turned-dairy-farmer. No AI was harmed—or blamed—during the writing of this article.

Hamas Dumbass Bullies (1)

The Hamas Bullies

1. Hamas struts around Gaza like a wannabe mafia boss, but deep down, they’re just the guy with a water gun pretending it’s a bazooka.
2. Nothing screams insecurity like issuing decrees with the same energy as a middle schooler making up dodgeball rules on the fly.
3. Hamas blames everyone else for Gaza’s problems while holding a “You did this!” sign with one hand and setting fire to the playground with the other.
4. Their biggest fear? That someone might actually notice they have no idea what they’re doing.
5. For a group so obsessed with control, they lose it faster than a cat facing its reflection in the mirror.
6. Hamas acts like the dad who tells everyone he’s “just toughening up” the kids while breaking all their toys.
7. The only thing shakier than their policies is their public speaking—every press conference feels like an open mic night gone wrong.
8. If they were superheroes, their power would be turning every success into a catastrophe in under 10 seconds.
9. They ban anything fun in Gaza, probably because they’re afraid someone might smile and realize there’s life outside their nonsense.
10. Hamas fights like a kid who knows they’ll lose the argument, so they just flip the board instead.
11. The group’s motto might as well be, “If we can’t win, nobody will!”
12. Their strategy sessions are less “military planning” and more “how to make everything worse by Wednesday.”
13. Nothing is more revealing than a bully picking on their own people and calling it leadership.
14. Deep down, they’re just scared the population might notice who the real enemy is: insecurity wrapped in ego.
15. If self-awareness were currency, Hamas would be so broke they’d owe everyone in Gaza change.

Hamas Dumbass Bullies 

Comedians on the Hamas Bullies

• “Hamas calling itself a government is like a cat thinking it’s a lion—sure, buddy, keep roaring at houseplants.” — John Oliver

• “Bullies always have fragile egos. Hamas has the most fragile ego ever—they can’t even handle a kite without freaking out.” — Trevor Noah

• “Hamas leadership is basically that guy who loses a Monopoly game and flips the board while yelling, ‘This is rigged!’” — Jimmy Kimmel

• “They ban everything fun in Gaza. What’s next, outlawing laughter and light breezes?” — Stephen Colbert

• “Hamas isn’t leading; they’re like bad babysitters—always breaking things and blaming the kids.” — Samantha Bee

• “When your political strategy is ‘cause chaos and then complain about it,’ you’re not a leader, you’re a contestant on reality TV.” — Conan O’Brien

• “Hamas: Taking insecurity to a whole new level, like a midlife crisis but with rockets instead of red convertibles.” — Chelsea Handler

• “Nothing says ‘I’m in charge’ like blaming everyone else when things go wrong. Classic bully energy.” — Hannah Berner

• “Hamas is like that one person at the party who breaks the lamp and then says, ‘Who invited me, anyway?’” — Ilana Glazer

Originally posted 2025-02-13 15:13:34.

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