Wall Street Bankers Start Side Hustle as Breakdancers

Stocks meet headspins

According to reports, Wall Street traders are diversifying their portfolios—not with crypto, but with headspins. Every Friday, suited bankers spill out of their offices and onto Broad Street, forming dance circles where they battle for dominance using both market jargon and windmills.

“You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a hedge fund manager do the worm while shouting ‘SHORT THE YEN!,’” said one amused tourist.

The bankers insist it’s about reclaiming authenticity. “Stocks rise and fall, but popping and locking is forever,” claimed one Goldman analyst, as his Rolex flew off mid-spin. Another trader bragged that his “dance portfolio” is outperforming the Dow Jones. “We’re bullish on backflips.”

Local New Yorkers are skeptical. “They clogged up my commute just to yell about derivatives while cartwheeling,” said one annoyed deli worker. Still, the shows are drawing crowds—and venture capitalists. Rumor has it, a new ETF will bundle banker breakdance performances into a tradable security.

TikTok’s #WallStreetBreakdance is trending, showing clips of bankers moonwalking with briefcases, one guy doing windmills on a pile of shredded mortgage documents, and a viral fail when someone tried to Krump in Gucci loafers and tore both ACLs. Street vendors now sell popcorn labeled “IPO: Initial Pop-Off.”

Tabloids laughed. The Post roared: “DANCE OR DIVIDEND.” The Daily News countered: “BULL MARKET BOOGIE.”

Mayor Adams praised it: “Finally, Wall Street doing something useful.” Governor Hochul muttered, “If hedge funds go EDM, I’m banning glowsticks.”

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/wall-street-bankers-start-side-hustle-as-breakdancers/

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/wall-street-bankers-start-side-hustle-as-breakdancers/.

By: Annika Steinmann.

Annika Steinmann, journalist at bohiney.com -- Wall Street Bankers Start Side Hustle as Breakdancers
Annika Steinmann, journalist.

The post Wall Street Bankers Start Side Hustle as Breakdancers appeared first on SpinTaxi Magazine.



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