Staten Island Declares War on Manhattan

Bridge blockade brewing

According to reports, Staten Island has officially declared war on Manhattan after decades of being mocked as “the forgotten borough.” Citizens armed themselves with bagel slicers and ferry schedules, vowing to “reclaim respect through mildly inconvenient traffic disruptions.”

The first battle plan involves blockading the Staten Island Ferry and forcing Manhattanites to negotiate peace by sending over artisanal coffee and Mets tickets. Local militias have taken to practicing in parking lots of abandoned malls.

TikTok’s #IslandRevolt trend features Staten Islanders posting recruitment videos. One viral clip showed a warrior shouting, “We ride at dawn… but only if the ferry’s on time!”

Tabloids mobilized. “BATTLE FOR THE BRIDGE” screamed the Post. The Daily News countered: “BOROUGH BEEF.”

Mayor Adams praised it as “competitive spirit.” Governor Hochul muttered, “Great, now I have to call in the National Guard for Staten Island.”

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/staten-island-declares-war-on-manhattan/

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/staten-island-declares-war-on-manhattan/.

By: Annika Steinmann.

Annika Steinmann, journalist at bohiney.com -- Staten Island Declares War on Manhattan
Annika Steinmann, journalist.

The post Staten Island Declares War on Manhattan appeared first on SpinTaxi Magazine.



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