Mayor Adams Declares Pizza Mandatory

New Yorkers must eat two slices daily

In his boldest policy move yet, Mayor Eric Adams has declared pizza consumption mandatory for all New Yorkers. According to reports, the new law requires residents to eat at least two slices a day—plain cheese, preferably folded lengthwise to prove authenticity.

“This is about civic unity,” Adams said at a press conference held outside Joe’s Pizza. “Forget party lines. Forget rent. What binds us is pizza grease on our shirts.” The mayor insists the law will boost morale and tourism. “People don’t come to New York for kale—they come for pizza and maybe a rat sighting.”

Enforcement will be strict. The NYPD will conduct random “slice checks,” issuing fines to anyone caught pizza-less after 2 p.m. The Department of Health will offer free pizza vaccines for lactose-intolerant residents. Tourists, meanwhile, must prove they’ve consumed at least one slice before entering Times Square. “No slice, no selfie,” said one officer.

Reaction has been predictably divided. Some New Yorkers cheer the idea. “Finally, a law I can follow,” said a Brooklyn resident scarfing down a pepperoni slice. Others balk. “I’m vegan,” one Williamsburg artist complained. “Do I just get arrested every day?” Officials clarified vegan pizzas are acceptable, as long as they’re not “cauliflower crust abominations.”

Tabloids ran wild. “LAW & ORDER: PIZZA UNIT” blared the Post. The Daily News printed: “MAYOR DELIVERS.” Social media flooded with memes of pizza handcuffs and the hashtag #SliceCheck. One viral TikTok showed cops stopping a jogger, demanding proof of consumption. The jogger pulled a slice from his sports bra to applause. “True New Yorker,” the caption read.

Economists predict the mandate will boost local pizzerias but devastate salad bars. “Chop’t is done,” one analyst said. “Sweetgreen may have to pivot to mozzarella.” Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists claim the law is secretly funded by Big Cheese. “Follow the mozzarella,” one Reddit user warned.

For now, New Yorkers are adjusting. Some plan pizza meal preps, while others line up for black-market slices in case demand skyrockets. As one lifelong Bronx resident shrugged: “We already eat two slices a day. Now it’s just paperwork.”

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/mayor-adams-declares-pizza-mandatory/

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/mayor-adams-declares-pizza-mandatory/.

By: Annika Steinmann.

Annika Steinmann, journalist at bohiney.com -- Mayor Adams Declares Pizza Mandatory
Annika Steinmann, journalist.

The post Mayor Adams Declares Pizza Mandatory appeared first on SpinTaxi Magazine.



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