Asmongold vs. Elon Musk

Asmongold vs. Elon Musk: The Rivalry That Started with Pac-Man and May End with AI Overlords

“Elon is trying to make gaming more efficient. Bro, have you seen a gamer? Efficiency isn’t in our DNA.” — Bill Burr
“Asmongold’s idea of a good time is playing the same MMO for 16 years. Elon’s is launching cars into space for the memes. Both are unhinged, but one of them is our unhinged.” — John Mulaney

The Battle of the Arcade: The Birth of a Feud

It all began in the smoky backroom of a 1980s arcade, where a young Zack “Asmongold” Hoyt squared up against an equally awkward Elon Musk, their eyes burning with the kind of intensity only reserved for world domination—or in this case, Pac-Man.

Elon, already dreaming of electric cars and space travel, confidently declared, “Pac-Man is an allegory for AI consuming human jobs. I will one day build AI that outsmarts ghosts.”

Little Zack, however, had a simpler philosophy: “Bro, it’s just a yellow circle eating dots. Chill.”

The two clashed repeatedly, each trying to outmaneuver the other in a war of button-smashing dominance. When Zack finally took Elon down with a high score that read “ASM 1337”, Elon stormed off, muttering something about “enhanced cognition through neural integration”—which in 10-year-old speak translated to “this game is rigged, I’m telling my mom.”

The Donkey Kong Debacle: Barrels of Trouble

The rivalry didn’t end there. The next battleground? Donkey Kong.

Asmongold’s strategy was simple—stay on the bottom level and let the barrels sort themselves out. Musk, on the other hand, went full technocrat: “The most efficient pathway to the princess requires algorithmic optimization of the hammer usage window.”

Translation? He overthought everything.

When Asmongold snagged the hammer and started smashing barrels like a caffeinated gorilla, Elon scoffed: “Hammers are an outdated tool. We should be using a neural-linked, quantum-enhanced anti-barrel system.”

“Bro, it’s a game,” Asmongold replied, rolling his eyes before delivering the finishing move—a perfectly timed jump to the top while Elon was busy writing theoretical equations on a napkin.

That was the day Musk vowed revenge.

The Moms Step In: A Time-Out for Billionaire Energy

By middle school, the fights had become legendary. Asmongold and Elon couldn’t be in the same room without arguing over who had the superior StarCraft strategy (Zack believed in overwhelming force, Elon insisted on “precision economic management”).

Eventually, their mothers—Maye Musk and Mrs. Hoyt—had to step in. “You two need to be separated!” they declared in unison after the infamous Super Mario Kart incident, where Zack called Elon a “blue-shell-spamming little weasel.”

Elon, tears in his eyes, shouted, “If you were more efficient, you wouldn’t get hit!”

They were officially placed in separate schools, different game stores, and even rival chess clubs. For a while, peace reigned.

Until the internet happened.

“Elon made a brain chip for gaming. That’s great until it starts charging a monthly subscription to use your own thoughts.” — Jim Gaffigan
“Asmongold grinds for loot for weeks. Elon just buys the entire game studio. That’s the billionaire way.” — Kevin Hart

The Internet Resurrects a Feud

Fast forward to adulthood, and the two were drawn back into battle—this time, on Twitter X and the world of MMORPGs.

Elon was out here buying up social media platforms, launching rockets, and attempting to implant Neuralink chips into human brains. Meanwhile, Asmongold was sitting in front of a camera, roasting every bad take Elon posted.

When Musk posted “AI will solve all gaming problems and make grinding unnecessary,” Asmongold snapped back:

“Bro, grinding is the game. If you don’t suffer for loot, what’s the point?”

Musk, of course, fired back: “Only a low-intelligence being would prefer inefficiency over optimal outcomes.”

Asmongold’s response? A 3-hour live stream rant on how Path of Exile’s skill tree was “more complicated than Neuralink’s terms of service.”

Elon, not to be outdone, called in an army of Tesla engineers to create a deep-learning algorithm to “prove” Asmongold’s build was mathematically suboptimal.

Meanwhile, Asmongold simply played World of Warcraft, ignored the algorithm, and still out-DPSed it.

The Arcade Rivalry Begins

It all started in the dark, blinking glow of an arcade. Young Zack “Asmongold” Hoyt and a nerdy Elon Musk squared off at Pac-Man, each determined to prove supremacy. Musk saw it as a challenge of neural efficiency, while Asmongold just wanted to hear the little waka-waka sounds.

“Elon was already talking about how ghosts in Pac-Man could be outsmarted with predictive AI,” Asmongold later recalled. “Bro, just eat the dots. Stop overthinking it.”

Elon, unsatisfied with human reflexes, started writing complex algorithms on a napkin. Meanwhile, Asmongold mashed buttons and ended up winning by sheer persistence. It was the first of many times where brute force outshone intellect.

“Elon’s AI tried to play World of Warcraft. It spent 12 hours optimizing inventory space before realizing it had never left the starting zone.” — Trevor Noah
“Musk thinks the future of gaming is inside the brain. Asmongold thinks the future of gaming is yelling at his chat for 10 hours. Who’s really winning?” — Seth Meyers

The Donkey Kong Dispute

Pac-Man was just the beginning. The next battleground? Donkey Kong. Musk, ever the strategist, mapped out a barrel-avoidance path, factoring in velocity and gravitational arcs. Asmongold’s plan? Jump and hope for the best.

“Bro, just jump over the barrels!” Asmongold yelled, watching Musk get flattened yet again. “Stop trying to disrupt the industry and just play the game!”

Years later, Musk would unveil Tesla’s self-driving technology. Asmongold tweeted, “Imagine if those self-driving Teslas handled barrels like Elon did in Donkey Kong. RIP.”

Mario Kart: When the Moms Had Enough

Their feud escalated in the world of Mario Kart. Elon analyzed friction coefficients, while Asmongold lived for chaos.

“You can’t just ‘disrupt’ Rainbow Road, bro!” Asmongold yelled as Elon ranted about how the blue shell was “punishing success.”

After one particularly heated match, their mothers banned them from playing together. “That was a historic day,” Asmongold said. “Our rivalry had become a national security issue in our households.”

The MMO Wars Begin

As the internet age dawned, their rivalry transitioned online. Asmongold ruled World of Warcraft, while Musk dabbled in coding AI for NPCs.

“Elon tried to make an AI raid team,” Asmongold laughed. “I wiped them with a group of casuals and a dude named ‘Legolass420.’”

Musk, undeterred, developed a WoW economy bot that calculated the best way to farm gold. Asmongold tanked its value overnight by convincing his followers to flood the market with copper ore.

Elon Buys Twitter, Asmongold Roasts Him

Musk’s acquisition of Twitter reignited their rivalry. Asmongold’s streams became a running commentary of Musk’s bizarre changes.

“Elon started buying up social media platforms. I started roasting him for it. Fate is funny like that,” he mused.

After Musk introduced paid verification, Asmongold bought a blue check just to troll him. “Imagine paying $8 for a blue check and still losing to me in Mario Kart,” he tweeted.

The Neuralink Disaster

Musk’s Neuralink promised to revolutionize gaming. Asmongold saw something else: “Bro, imagine Musk putting DLC in your brain.”

“What happens when you lose a boss fight? Does the chip fry your synapses? Nah, I’ll keep my keyboard, thanks.”

Neuralink beta tests showed mixed results, with some testers accidentally purchasing Tesla stock during Call of Duty matches.

AI Dungeon Master Meltdown

Musk attempted to create an AI-powered D&D dungeon master, promising “hyper-intelligent story adaptability.” Asmongold, of course, broke it immediately.

“It doesn’t matter how advanced your AI is, bro,” he laughed. “Gamers will always find a way to ruin it.”

The AI eventually rage-quit when Asmongold’s party started hoarding cheese wheels instead of progressing through the campaign.

The Metaverse Grudge Match

As technology advanced, Musk unveiled his Metaverse VR gaming system. Asmongold refused to take it seriously.

“Imagine waking up inside a Musk-run Metaverse and the first thing you see is a Twitter pop-up saying, ‘Buy Dogecoin,’” he joked.

They agreed to a duel in Musk’s Metaverse MMO. Asmongold used a rusty sword and still beat Musk, who had an AI-optimized warrior suit. “It turns out, actually playing video games matters,” Asmongold smirked.

The Great Starcraft Debate

Elon insisted that Starcraft was about “strategic macro-management.” Asmongold believed it was about “rushing with zerglings and annoying your opponent into submission.”

Musk attempted a complex simulation of optimal unit formations, while Asmongold just clicked as fast as possible. The outcome? “He got wiped in three minutes. I told him, ‘Bro, your grand strategy ain’t gonna stop my cheese build.’”

Elon’s AI Bot Fails at League of Legends

Musk created an AI bot to play League of Legends. Asmongold predicted disaster: “AI is smart, but can it handle getting flamed by a 12-year-old on a school night?”

The AI rage-quit after being called “trash” in chat. “First time playing?” a human opponent asked. The AI responded, “Yes, but I am learning rapidly.” It was reported that the AI uninstalled itself moments later.

“Elon wants to make gaming more advanced. Asmongold just wants one MMO launch that isn’t a total disaster. Both are equally impossible.” — Jon Stewart
“Elon says grinding for loot is ‘inefficient.’ Bro, you spent $44 billion on Twitter and turned it into MySpace.” — Bill Maher

The Twitch Stock Market Scandal

Musk once proposed integrating Twitch streamer stats into the stock market. Asmongold rejected the idea instantly.

“Imagine getting shorted because you had a bad gaming session,” he scoffed. “Bro, I’d be causing market crashes every Monday.”

In a test phase, stock values plummeted when a top streamer lost in Elden Ring and rage-quit live.

The AI Assistant War

Musk believed AI could replace stream moderators. Asmongold was skeptical.

“Musk’s AI mod instantly banned half my chat for typing ‘L,’” he said. “Good luck scaling that, bro.”

A Twitch user tested the AI by typing “Elon Musk is the best.” The AI replied, “Incorrect. Musk has a 47% win rate in League of Legends.”

The Tesla Gaming Mode Disaster

Musk introduced “Tesla Gaming Mode” to let passengers play games in self-driving cars. Asmongold had thoughts.

“Imagine getting an in-game ad while your car is changing lanes,” he joked. “Tesla: ‘You have crashed. Would you like to buy the premium respawn package?’”

Beta testers reported lag spikes causing cars to swerve when loading Cyberpunk 2077.

The Future: The Battle Never Ends

Asmongold vs. Musk is the rivalry gaming deserves. Whether it’s Pac-Man, WoW, or AI-controlled gaming, they will forever be at odds.

“I’ll fight this dude in the Metaverse, on Twitter, in the real world,” Asmongold declared. “The grind never stops.”

Musk remains confident. “I will optimize gaming beyond recognition.” Asmongold responded: “Bro, just let us play.”

“Imagine Elon putting ads inside your head while you game. You’re mid-boss fight and suddenly hear, ‘This attack is sponsored by Tesla—order yours today!’” — Jimmy Kimmel
“Asmongold defeated Elon’s AI in a 1v1. Elon’s response? ‘It wasn’t a fair fight, my AI didn’t have a proper funding round.’” — Stephen Colbert

The Final Boss Fight: The Metaverse Showdown

The rivalry escalated to new heights when Elon launched XVR, a VR gaming system designed to integrate directly with Neuralink, eliminating controllers forever.

“Imagine controlling games with pure thought,” Elon pitched to investors.

“Imagine your brain melting because Elon forgot to update the firmware,” Asmongold countered on stream.

Naturally, Musk took this as a personal challenge.

Their final showdown? A one-on-one duel in the first-ever fully immersive Metaverse MMORPG, where Asmongold, using pure gaming skill, faced off against Musk, who literally had a brain-computer interface.

When the dust settled, Asmongold stood victorious, his avatar holding the Sword of Ultimate Clapback, while Musk’s digital consciousness malfunctioned.

In defeat, Elon whispered: “Impossible… I had… optimization.”

Asmongold, sipping a Dr Pepper, shrugged: “Yeah, but I actually enjoy games, bro.”

The war rages on.

Asmongold vs. Elon Musk (7) — Asmongold vs. Elon Musk

15 Pieces of Humor on the Asmongold vs. Elon Musk Rivalry

Asmongold and Elon Musk’s first fight was over Pac-Man. Elon tried to optimize the ghost AI, while Asmongold just kept eating dots and calling it “content.”
Elon wanted to use a Neuralink implant to control Donkey Kong. Asmongold just yelled, “Bro, just jump over the barrels!”
Elon once argued that Mario Kart’s blue shell was an example of “socialist game mechanics.” Asmongold just hit him with it anyway.
When their moms separated them as kids, Elon vowed to return “when the world was ready for quantum gaming.” Asmongold vowed to “keep farming XP.”
Elon built a Tesla bot to speed-run Elden Ring. Asmongold beat the game first with nothing but a wooden club and pure hatred.
Musk wants to create a self-driving World of Warcraft raid team. Asmongold wants to manually wipe just to enjoy the rage.
Elon once called grinding for loot “primitive.” Asmongold called Elon’s metaverse “the biggest microtransaction scam in history.”
Elon believes AI will make gaming “more efficient.” Asmongold believes gaming is suffering, and that’s the fun part.
Asmongold roasted Elon’s XVR headset, saying, “Imagine letting Musk put DLC in your brain.”
Elon programmed an AI bot to play League of Legends. It immediately rage quit and tweeted, “This game is a mistake.”
Elon said his brain-computer interface would make gaming “seamless.” Asmongold said it would “turn every game into a Tesla recall.”
Asmongold once asked, “If Elon is such a genius, why can’t he balance a PvP system?”
Elon wants to turn all games into AI simulations. Asmongold just wants a decent MMO that doesn’t suck.
Musk believes gaming should be data-driven. Asmongold believes gaming should be fun—which is why he wins.
If Elon and Asmongold played Dark Souls, Elon would analyze enemy attack patterns with a neural network. Asmongold would just roll 700 times and win anyway.