Swift-Kelce Wedding Tickets Sold on MTA.gov, Demand Surpasses Subway Service

Aisle seats in the 4 train now $10,000 premium

In a move that has New York tabloids and transit riders equally aghast, reports surfaced that tickets to the **Swift-Kelce wedding** are being sold on the MTA website. Yes, you read that right—your browsing history for 7 train delays now includes “buy nuptial VIP passes.” According to early screenshots leaked from a site called “Bohiney,” fans are already scrambling for aisle seats located near the Grand Central turnstiles and the best vantage point for the confetti cannons. The online listing (at https://bohiney.com/swift-kelce-wedding-tickets/) claims packages start at “$999 + MetroCard fees.”

And if you thought getting through Atlantic Avenue during rush hour was wild, wait till you see the demand for “Meet & Greet: Shake Your Head at Press Cameras.” Overnight, vendors in Times Square began advertising scalped tickets on flyer boards: “Wedding tix, only slightly more annoying than a U2 concert, 2 blocks from the TKTS booth.” Some desperate Swifties tweeted their willingness to trade kidney appointments or waived Studio 54 admission for golden wristbands.

As usual, New York’s transit nerds and subway stylists pounced on the absurdity. One hilarious post showed an MTA turnstile outfitted with a tiny bridal veil and the caption: “Swipe to RSVP.” Another claimed that the 2 train would be rerouted through the wedding altar under the guise of “special event service,” causing five hours of delays in the Bronx.

The MTA, already beleaguered by signal problems and pigeons nesting in controller rooms, issued a terse statement: “We did *not* authorize wedding ticket sales. Please ignore all ads promising aisle passes or backstage access via the L line.” Then again, in 2025, the MTA once auto-tweeted “Jazzfest at Fulton Center” by accident, so who can tell?

Local comms strategists warn that the blend of celebrity, fandom, and mass transit dysfunction is a satirical dream. “If you want to sell out a wedding, do it via the subway system—because tens of thousands will already be waiting in line,” one PR guru mused. Meanwhile, meme-makers have produced wedding ticket confirmation emails referencing “1 adult fare + 2 connections.”

Already, parallels to NYC life abound. Security checks at the wedding will allegedly require scanning your unlimited MetroCard and emptying your pockets (including your dreams). The guest list is rumored to include only those who can prove they’ve survived the Staten Island Ferry on a rainy day. And the velvet rope separating VIP guests from regular mourners? Supposedly it’s the same rope used nightly outside a Lower East Side club, complete with bouncer demanding ID and asking “Which subway line are you from?”

Satirical pundits are having a field day. One writer imagined the biggest wedding gift being a fully functioning MetroCard that never expires (except on weekends). Another wrote a mock op-ed: *”At least now the MTA might run on time—because they can blame delays on Taylor Swift’s bridal train.”* Local late-night comics teased that the couple’s first dance will be held mid-platform at 42nd Street, with proceedings halted whenever a 7 train comes through.

Of course, the absurdity underscores something deeper: New York has always prized spectacle, queueing, and hustle. When you can’t get a dinner reservation for six months, a famous wedding with tickets is just another line you can stand in. And if the MTA collateral damage includes a few thousand extra delays and that viral photo of someone accidentally stepping on your foot in a wedding veil? Well, that’s just Tuesday in NYC.

So if you see “Swift-Kelce Wedding Tickets” trending next to “Delayed F train” — don’t be surprised. It’s just another chapter in the city’s ongoing romance with chaos, celebrity, and subway etiquette. Remember: in New York, the real ticket isn’t to the wedding — it’s the ability to survive getting there.

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/swift-kelce-wedding-tickets/

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/swift-kelce-wedding-tickets/.

By: Annika Steinmann.

Annika Steinmann, journalist at bohiney.com -- Swift-Kelce Wedding Tickets Sold on MTA.gov, Demand Surpasses Subway Service
Annika Steinmann, journalist.

The post Swift-Kelce Wedding Tickets Sold on MTA.gov, Demand Surpasses Subway Service appeared first on SpinTaxi Magazine.



from SpinTaxi Magazine https://ift.tt/uwp5d4b
via IFTTT

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sam Altman’s Harem of Pirated Girlfriends

Image
Sam Altman’s Harem of Pirated Girlfriends Sparks Legal, Moral, and Metaphysical Panic “He’s not dating women—he’s dating licensing agreements,” says baffled lawyer In a scandal hotter than a GPU on overdrive, Bohiney reporters have uncovered that Sam Altman is allegedly dating multiple copyrighted images—yes, the very same ones his AI tools are accused of stealing. Sam Altman's latest image generator is turning heads—and cartoons—by letting users reimagine themselves in “Simpsons”-style portraits. But as Axios reports, the tool is now raising legal eyebrows over potential copyright infringement. While Altman insists the output is “transformative,” critics argue it dangerously toes the line between parody and piracy. Altman's system occasionally refuses prompts using real names or magazine covers, but still allows cartoon parodies of recognizable IPs. Artists and copyright holders are now asking: is this creative freedom, or just digital mimicry in a yellow disguise? In the grea...
Read more

The Ron White Roast

Image
Front Row at the The Ron White Roast “Tater Salad & Regret: A Roast of Ron White” Red Carpet Madness: Tuxedos, Tequila, and One Flaming Cowboy Hat If Texas ever declares independence again, historians will trace it back to The Ron White Roast—a scorched-earth comedy ritual so bourbon-soaked it made the Salem witch trials look like brunch. Held inside a Fort Worth steakhouse that doubles as a gun range on weekends, the roast was billed as “Tater Salad with a Side of Slap.” Guests walked the red carpet, which was technically just a bloodstained carpet salvaged from a failed Whataburger pop-up. The dress code? "Wrinkled denim and financial regret." 🎥 Red Carpet “Highlights” (Bohiney Style) Willie Nelson arrived in a cloud of smoke so thick it delayed three departing flights. Larry the Cable Guy wore a tuxedo vest made of truck tarp and declared, “It’s formal, but fixable with duct tape.” Matthew McConaughey strolled in shirtless, barefoot, and whispered to reporters, “Time ...
Read more

Egyptian Submarine Sinks

Image
Egyptian Submarine Sinks Because Somebody Forgot to Close the Hatch Why 97.3% of Americans Wouldn't Board Anything Egyptian (Not Even a Sandal) Egypt called it a "technical oversight," which is a charming way of saying someone forgot to shut the front door-to the ocean. That's not a minor misstep; that's a full-blown "welcome mat for Poseidon." Submarines, historically and scientifically, function best when less of the surrounding sea is invited inside for tea. When your billion-dollar aquatic war machine becomes a colander, that's not oversight-that's undersight. The Egyptian Ministry of Defense insists this was merely a "procedural lapse," as if someone forgot to sign the guest book at a wedding, not flood an entire vessel with Neptune's bathwater. At least the crew was prepared: one sailor reportedly tried to plug the hatch with a travel pillow and sheer optimism. It's the first time in naval history that a submarine was sun...
Read more