Queens Psychic Predicts Subway Delays With 100% Accuracy

Commuters say clairvoyant saves more time than the MTA app

Forget the MTA’s countdown clocks — a Queens psychic has become the most reliable source of transit info, according to a local report. For $10 and a MetroCard swipe, she’ll tell you whether the F train will show up in 3 minutes, 30 minutes, or never at all. New Yorkers are flocking to her tiny storefront near Roosevelt Avenue, where a neon sign flashes: “Your Future Is Delayed.”

The psychic, Madame Rosa, reads tarot cards, tea leaves, and disgruntled conductor sighs. Her predictions are eerily accurate. “She told me the 7 train would stall at 74th Street due to ‘the ghost of a lost MetroCard,’” said one commuter. “And it happened exactly as she said.” Another swears she predicted a 20-minute delay by flipping a MetroCard and shouting, “The rats demand tribute.”

Word has spread fast. Crowds gather nightly to hear prophecies like “signal problems will plague the N line” or “your train will arrive only when you’ve already called an Uber.” Some commuters have even ditched the official MTA app, saying Rosa’s crystal ball is less buggy. “At least she doesn’t crash my phone,” said a weary rider. “Only my soul.”

Of course, not everyone believes. Skeptics argue Rosa is simply stating the obvious: trains are always delayed. But her devotees insist she has special gifts, pointing to her uncanny ability to predict which subway car will have the one broken AC. “She’s a miracle worker,” one fan declared. “She told me not to sit in car 3478 because of ‘spilled soup energy,’ and sure enough, someone spilled soup.”

The MTA, embarrassed, has issued a statement: “We are reviewing whether we should hire her as our Chief of Delays.” Insiders say morale is low at MTA HQ since Rosa has outperformed their entire billion-dollar system with a pack of tarot cards and a folding chair. “Honestly, we might just give her a corner office,” admitted one exec.

Meanwhile, Rosa remains humble. “I’m just channeling the universe,” she said, rearranging her MetroCards. “And the universe says: good luck getting home before midnight.”

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/queens-psychic-subway/

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/queens-psychic-subway/.

By: Annika Steinmann.

Annika Steinmann, journalist at bohiney.com -- Queens Psychic Predicts Subway Delays With 100% Accuracy
Annika Steinmann, journalist.

The post Queens Psychic Predicts Subway Delays With 100% Accuracy appeared first on SpinTaxi Magazine.



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