Dating App Algorithm Designed to Keep New Yorkers Single Forever

Brooklyn Singles Shocked to Discover They’re Incompatible with Everyone Including Themselves

A whistleblower from a major dating app revealed this week that its matching algorithm has been intentionally designed to ensure Manhattan and Brooklyn users remain perpetually single, lonely, and subscribed. The revelation came during a heated community board meeting in Park Slope where residents demanded answers about why everyone they match with lives in Astoria and “doesn’t even know what a bodega is.”

“The algorithm isn’t broken—it’s performing exactly as intended,” explained former software engineer Dave Patterson, who worked on the app’s New York City optimization team. “We realized that if we actually helped people find compatible partners, they’d delete the app. So we created a sophisticated system that matches you with people who seem perfect in theory but are actually nightmares in practice. It’s brilliant, really. Very profitable.”

The algorithm employs several NYC-specific sabotage techniques, including matching people who live on opposite subway lines with no transfers, pairing morning people with bartenders, and ensuring that anyone who lists ‘brunch’ as an interest gets matched exclusively with people who think $18 avocado toast is “a waste of money and also gentrification.”

Upper West Side resident Jennifer Martinez thought she’d found her soulmate when she matched with someone who shared her love of documentaries, farmers markets, and her therapist’s office building. “We had so much in common,” she explained. “Then I discovered he pronounces Houston Street like the city in Texas. It would never work.” The algorithm had known this from their first message exchange and had been collecting her $29.99 monthly premium subscription ever since.

The app’s “Show Me Someone New” feature has been particularly effective at maintaining user engagement. According to internal documents, it works by showing you someone moderately attractive at 11:47 PM on a Wednesday when your judgment is impaired by wine and the fear of dying alone. By Thursday morning, you realize they think cryptocurrency is “the future” and have never heard of NPR.

Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge declined to comment on the allegations, though a joint statement noted that “New York City’s dating pool is challenging enough without our help” and that “maybe the problem isn’t the algorithm, maybe it’s your unrealistic expectations and the fact that you still talk about your semester abroad.”

Dating coaches across Manhattan have reported a surge in clients seeking help navigating the rigged system. Their advice? “Lower your standards, raise your therapy budget, and remember that being single in New York is better than being married in New Jersey. Barely.”

SOURCE: https://ift.tt/ZcRdM4v

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/algorithm-designed-to-keep-users-single-forever/.

By: Annika Steinmann.

Annika Steinmann, journalist at bohiney.com -- Dating App Algorithm Designed to Keep New Yorkers Single Forever
Annika Steinmann, journalist.

The post Dating App Algorithm Designed to Keep New Yorkers Single Forever appeared first on SpinTaxi Magazine.



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