Cuomo Begs Sliwa to Drop Out

Former Governor Gets Desperate, Dignity Gone

In a stunning display of political desperation, Andrew Cuomo allegedly begged Curtis Sliwa to drop out of the NYC mayoral race, fearing vote-splitting would hand victory to Mamdani. Sliwa, wearing his signature red beret and Guardian Angels jacket, reportedly laughed so hard he pulled a muscle.

The meeting reportedly occurred at a neutral Manhattan diner, where Cuomo arrived flanked by advisors and Sliwa brought seventeen cats. “I’m not joking about the cats,” one witness claimed. “He had cats. Plural. In a diner.” Whether this violated health codes or was simply performance art remains unclear.

Cuomo’s pitch reportedly centered on unity, electability, and preventing democratic socialist governance—standard moderate talking points delivered with the desperation of someone watching their political resurrection crumble. According to The New York Times, post-scandal comebacks rarely work, but Cuomo apparently missed that memo.

Sliwa countered with his own pitch: Cuomo should drop out and endorse him instead. The logic was impeccable—Sliwa had never resigned in disgrace, never faced harassment allegations, and owned significantly more cats. These are objective qualifications for mayoral leadership, probably.

The conversation reportedly devolved into competitive masculine posturing about who could better handle Eric Adams, who’s somehow running as an independent despite federal corruption charges. NYC politics operates at a level of dysfunction that makes reality TV look like documentary filmmaking.

Cuomo offered cabinet positions, political appointments, and reportedly “whatever Curtis wants, within reason.” Sliwa requested the cats receive diplomatic immunity and full dental coverage. Negotiations stalled when nobody could determine whether feline diplomatic status exists in municipal law.

The meeting concluded without agreement, leaving Cuomo to face the reality that his political capital is somewhere between “none” and “negative whatever comes after bankruptcy.” One political analyst noted: “Begging your opponent to quit so you can lose with dignity is a bold strategy. By bold, I mean desperate. By desperate, I mean sad.”

Sliwa left the diner wearing all seventeen cats like some sort of feline armor, declaring: “The Guardian Angels don’t negotiate with disgraced former governors!” This statement received applause from absolutely nobody because it happened in a diner and people were trying to eat.

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cuomo-begs-sliwa-to-drop-out/

SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://bohiney.com/cuomo-begs-sliwa-to-drop-out/)

Cuomo Begs Sliwa to Drop Out -- Bohiney-COM Satirical Journalism Logo
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