South Park’s Billion-Dollar Middle Finger

South Park’s Billion-Dollar Middle Finger: Trump, Satan, and the Paramount Penance Plan

Season 27 Premieres with Googly-Eyed Genitals and Wall Street Meltdowns

South Park Takes the Sermon to the Stock Exchange

LOS ANGELES, CA — In a twist of holy satire and wholly unholy imagery, South Park returned for its 27th season with an episode that felt less like animated comedy and more like a $1.5 billion exorcism. Entitled “Sermon on the ’Mount,” the premiere mocked Donald Trump, skewered Paramount’s latest merger, twerked on corporate censorship, and delivered what critics are calling the “most expensive dick joke in television history.”

This is not a drill. This is South Park on full-bore chaos mode, powered by the spiritual guidance of Satan, the marketing budget of Paramount Global, and the kind of unfiltered vulgarity that once made Hillary Clinton’s eye twitch like she was decoding Morse Code.

Let’s back up.

The $1.5 Billion Buyout for a Slap in the Face

Paramount, under fire and under duress, inked a $1.5 billion deal with Matt Stone and Trey Parker to ensure that South Park would live exclusively on its platform like some elite hostage.

The boardroom logic was simple: “Buy their silence. Or at least their loyalty.”

Instead, what they got was a scene of Donald Trump lying in bed with Satan, wrapped in the American flag like a burrito of sin, whispering, “The merger is complete, baby.”

Paramount stock immediately fell 6%. An executive, speaking anonymously while hiding in a Red Lobster bathroom, admitted, “We thought we were buying laughs. Instead, we bought a roast.”

Insiders confirm that during the internal Paramount screening, CEO Brian Robbins broke three Bic pens in frustration while mumbling, “But we gave them everything!”

A junior executive reportedly whispered, “Yeah, and they gave us Satan cuddles.”

The Glorious Return of Googly-Eyed Genitals

Here’s the thing: FCC censors allegedly tried to pixelate the show’s animated rendering of Trump’s “presidential parts.”

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, in classic form, refused. But their compromise? Googly eyes.

Yes, Trump’s cartoon penis had googly eyes and—according to animators—“a more convincing performance than Jared Kushner in Season 24.”

The segment prompted an FCC agent to text “wtf” to his own office landline.

Twitter (or “X” for the three people still calling it that) erupted in memes, fan art, and highly stylized conspiracy diagrams alleging the googly eyes were “symbolic of America’s surveillance state, or possibly Mike Pence.”

Jesus Christ: Spiritual Mediator and Media Consultant

The plot of the episode itself defied classification. Cartman and Butters opened a fake Christian megachurch in a strip mall, claiming to offer “Paramount+ Premium Plus Jesus.” The congregation included bored soccer moms, Ron DeSantis in disguise, and a confused Larry David.

When Jesus returned mid-episode to shut down the scam, he instead negotiated a spiritual merger between Paramount and “Heaven, Inc.,” which included licensing angels’ likenesses for NFT use in the Halo reboot.

The meta-commentary was obvious: if Paramount is gonna sell out, why not sell up?

Trump’s Real Lawsuit Gets Animated Justice

In real life, Donald Trump sued Paramount for $475 million, citing an allegedly defamatory deepfake that showed him confessing to crimes on 60 Minutes. The network quietly paid him $16 million just as the South Park episode was being finished.

In the show, Trump uses that payout to buy a reality series called “Cuddle with Satan,” streaming exclusively on “Paramount+ Ultra Hush Mode.”

White House Press Secretary Carlos Martinez (fictional in the show) holds a press conference insisting Trump “has never cuddled Satan,” which sends the press corps into a fit of giggles and one CNN intern into labor.

Colbert: Canceled for Honesty?

One of the most brutal side-jabs in the episode was a fake promo for The Colbert Report: Rebirth, which showed Stephen Colbert being fired for calling Paramount’s payout to Trump a “corporate bribe with sprinkles.”

This scene, which aired just days after Colbert’s real-life show was canceled, was either prophetic or perfect timing.

Either way, South Park dared to point out that in modern America, telling the truth on TV can be a firing offense—especially if you name names and those names are on the check.

The View from the Woke and the Broke

Backlash, predictably, flooded in. Critics on X complained that South Park had been “taken over by woke globalists” while others insisted that “it’s still anti-woke, just better at it.”

Parker responded at Comic-Con: “We’re not woke. We’re broke. We’re just trying to pay for Butters’ voice actor’s alimony.”

He was later seen selling “Googly-Eyed Patriot” merch from a food truck.

Meanwhile, a Rasmussen poll found that 67% of Americans couldn’t tell if the episode was satire or a news special from The New York Times.

Paramount Execs in Panic Therapy

In the final act of the episode, Paramount’s fictional CEO (modeled after a cross between Elon Musk and an angry biscotti) gets trapped in a “truth feedback loop”—a tech device built by Kyle and Kenny that forces him to watch every bad decision he’s ever made, including paying $1.5 billion to a duo that once aired a talking poop Christmas special.

Actual Paramount employees were reportedly required to attend “Post-Satire Safety Seminars” this week, where slideshows included titles like:

“When the Brand Is the Butt: Lessons in Humility”

“Dick Jokes: The Unregulated Weapon of Cultural Warfare”

“Our Next Streaming Bundle: Therapy Plus”

Trump Responds… on Truth Social, Obviously

Hours after the episode aired, Donald Trump took to Truth Social to write:

“SOUTH PORK is failing! They said I was IN BED with SATAN — ridiculous! I don’t even SLEEP! The cartoon penis was VERY SMALL — FAKE! Everyone knows I’m YUGE! Total DISGRACE to TELEVISION! I liked The Simpsons better. Sad!”

The post was flagged by FactCheck.org as “Mostly True, Unfortunately.”

Comedy Is Dead, Long Live Satire

By the end of the episode, Cartman attempts suicide after declaring, “Woke is dead and there’s nothing left to make fun of.” But instead of dying, he becomes a TED Talk speaker and sells a line of “Woke Survivor” T-shirts.

The message? You can’t kill satire, even if you buy it, pixelate it, or sue it into submission.

The Evidence That Binds

Digital Evidence: Season 27 episode now streaming, Paramount earnings call transcript.
Testimonial: Comic-Con footage, Colbert’s final monologue, Parker’s food truck quote.
Scientific: Academic studies linking satire to reductions in authoritarian credibility.
Trace Evidence: Settlement timestamp vs. episode timestamp vs. merger timeline.
Relationship: South Park’s two-decade history of biting back at its own network.
Public Opinion: Over 20,000 posts on X with the tag #GooglyGate.
Physical Evidence: T-shirts with Trump and Satan spooning now on Etsy for $29.95.

Helpful Content for Satire Survivors

Watch the episode, then read the lawsuit. Ask yourself which one is funnier.

Share clips. Don’t let satire be buried under billion-dollar buyouts.

Laugh anyway. In the end, humor is your First Amendment—armed with googly eyes.

Final Word from the Writers

This article was created in collaboration between two sentient beings: the world’s oldest tenured professor (who once debated with Alan Dershowitz in a Waffle House) and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer (who knows a bull when he sees one—especially when it sues Viacom).

We stand by every joke.

Auf Wiedersehen.

IMAGE GALLERY

Satan-and-Donald-Trump-On-South-Park

Trump-in-South-Park

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