California Marxists Boo Toddler at Disneyland

California Marxists Boo Toddler, Demand Baby Answers for Border Policy

‘Cooing in Fascist Tone,’ One Protester Claims
— Satirical Journalism from Bohiney.com
Scene: Disneyland, Anaheim — Where Magic Meets Marxism

On July 14, 2025, Vice President J.D. Vance and his family entered Disneyland to experience a few moments of magic. You know — churros, ears, and emotional exhaustion by 11 a.m. But unfortunately for the Second Family, the trip took a dark political turn the moment a group of sign-waving California Marxists demanded that his 5-year-old daughter publicly denounce ICE.

“We wanted accountability,” said one protester, Sheila Bernstein-López, 27, of Silverlake. “Her little fascist pigtails screamed complicity.”

Eyewitnesses confirm the toddler was eating a melting grape popsicle and playing with a bubble wand at the time of interrogation.

Observations from the Protest of Doom

1. Protesters accused a baby of being ‘stateless adjacent’.
While J.D. Vance’s 3-year-old son was simply staring at a popcorn bucket shaped like R2D2, protesters formed a semi-circle around him and asked, “Do you support arbitrary statehood boundaries, yes or no?”

2. A protester screamed “Check his papers!”
He was referring to the Vice President’s infant, who was still in a diaper and could not speak. When asked what documentation the protester expected, he clarified, “I want to see a co-signed anti-imperialist manifesto written in crayon.”

3. One Marxist handed the Vance children pamphlets about “Land Back” initiatives.
The children promptly used them to wrap a turkey leg. Their response was labeled “reactionary” by the activist group Toddlers Against Borders.

4. A protester tried to revoke the child’s ‘magic key annual pass’ over geopolitical views.
Disney staff intervened, explaining that even Disney villains have park access, and reminded the protester that, “The Haunted Mansion isn’t an allegory for Reaganism.”

5. One woman claimed the child’s baby talk was ‘fascist adjacent.’

“She said ‘baba’ with a Germanic rhythm,” the woman alleged. “That’s a known dog whistle in toddler-speak. Everyone knows 'baba' is a gateway word to ‘authoritarianism.’”

What the Funny People Are Saying

“I haven’t seen this much projection since a therapy group watched Frozen II on loop.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“Imagine yelling at a baby about immigration policy and still thinking you’re the hero. That’s not activism — that’s unmedicated performance art.” — Ron White

“You’re not ending white supremacy by booing a toddler in Minnie Mouse sandals. You’re just proving to America that preschool beef is real.” — Ali Wong

“You know your protest's lost direction when your main demand is a pacifier embargo.” — Chris Rock

“The only borders that kid cares about are between applesauce and green beans.” — Trevor Noah

Live from Anaheim: The Revolution Will Be Swaddled

According to protest leader Dylan Treeleaf, the group had originally intended to protest outside an ICE field office but got distracted after one member remembered Disneyland had Dole Whip.

“Capitalism is seductive,” Treeleaf admitted. “But we needed to make a stand, and where better than a theme park built on the bones of 1950s gender norms and optimism?”

So, naturally, they chased the Second Family through Adventureland, demanding the baby issue a formal statement on family detention centers.

When Vance’s wife Usha attempted to defuse the situation by offering a quiet “We’re just here as a family”, she was shouted down with chants of:

“FAMILIES BELONG IN RE-EDUCATION CAMPS — TOGETHER!”

Survey Says: The Protest Backfired

A quick satirical poll by Bohiney.com, conducted via smoke signals and churro crumbs, found:

82% of guests disapproved of heckling a baby about politics.

9% were unaware J.D. Vance was even present.

6% thought it was a flash mob promoting The Incredibles 3.

3% were in the park purely for funnel cake and had transcended politics entirely.

Digital Evidence: Social Media Meltdown

Protesters posted their toddler-taunting escapade to Bluesky, where it immediately got ratioed into oblivion. Sample responses:

“Imagine making a child cry and thinking you’re Che Guevara.”
— @ComradeButWithBoundaries

“You’re not radical — you’re just weird.”
— @GlutenFreeTrotsky

“The kid was licking a Frozen popsicle. Did you think she was reenacting ice raids?”
— @LeftistButNotUnhinged

Even socialist icon and public bathhouse enthusiast Bernie Sanders issued a statement:

“For God’s sake, let the children ride Space Mountain in peace.”

Funny Evidence the Protest Was Completely Unhinged

1. Marxism Doesn’t Include Daycare Doctrine
Nowhere in Das Kapital does it say, “Proletariat toddlers must be interrogated while eating string cheese.”

2. Protest Signs Were Printed at Kinko’s Using Capitalist Ink
One sign read, “Tear Down ICE Walls!” printed on foam core. According to records, it cost $36.95. Irony not included.

3. Several Protesters Were Seen Buying $8 Lattes Inside Galaxy’s Edge
One used a debit card linked to their trust fund. When asked how that aligned with their Marxist values, they replied, “It’s not capitalism if you Venmo me.”

4. One Protester Had a ‘No Borders’ Tattoo Made at a Beverly Hills Spa
When asked about it, they replied, “It’s the one form of permanent border I believe in.”

5. Another Held a ‘Down with ICE’ Sign While Wearing a Cool Sculpting Sweatshirt
Which, for those unfamiliar, is a $2,000 fat-freezing cosmetic procedure. But sure. Power to the people.

Eyewitnesses Weigh In

Kaitlyn Morris, a nurse from San Diego:

“One of the protesters asked a four-year-old for a position on immigration quotas. When she replied, ‘I like waffles,’ he said she was dodging the question.”

Brian Leung, 34, Disney annual pass holder:

“I didn’t even know who that guy was. I just wanted to ride Big Thunder Mountain, but suddenly it turned into a trial of a toddler for crimes against humanity.”

Kevin (Just Kevin), churro guy:

“I saw someone yell, ‘How dare you vacation while families are being deported!’ And I was like, ‘Ma’am, you’re wearing $300 Birkenstocks.’”

Public Decency as a Radical Concept

There was a time — a simpler time — when even the most vocal activists drew the line at booing literal babies.

But in 2025, California protesters are now asking:

“If the child is old enough to walk, are they old enough to be held accountable for border policy?”

Answer: No. If a child still believes in Paw Patrol, they’re not responsible for DHS memos.

Cultural Commentary: Disneyland as Political Battleground

What began as a family trip became a moral Rorschach test. Protesters saw complicity in glitter shoes. They interpreted every bite of mac n’ cheese as a threat to global equity.

One protester allegedly accused Vance’s 6-year-old of “appropriating economic privilege” by eating a Mickey-shaped ice cream bar.

It was later revealed that the child had traded a Hot Wheels toy for it.

Capitalism wins again.

Role Reversal: If the Right Did This

Imagine the inverse:

A group of MAGA activists booing the Obamas’ daughters for “not balancing the federal budget.”

Right-wing protesters chasing Nancy Pelosi’s grandchildren through Epcot shouting, “What’s your stance on single-payer health care?”

The left would (rightly) call it grotesque, unethical, and abusive.

So why is this okay when the target wears toddler crocs?

The Slippery Slope of Screaming at Children

What’s next?

Asking 2-year-olds to condemn supply chain privatization?

Demanding an 8-year-old explain drone policy in Yemen?

Forcing babies to take an ideological purity test before entering Fantasyland?

At some point, public decency stopped being bipartisan. If a child can’t vote, don’t treat them like they run ICE.

Expert Insight: Dr. Pam Feltersnitch, Political Decorum Historian

“This may be the first time in American history that a rattle was booed.”

Dr. Feltersnitch — who teaches a graduate seminar titled ‘Don’t Yell at Babies 401’ — concluded:

“Political activism must be directed at adults. When you involve children, it’s no longer civil disobedience. It’s just public tantrum cosplay.”

Moral High Ground Goes Missing, Possibly Deported

What was meant to be a bold stand became a viral PR disaster. Even some far-left activists admitted privately that this was… not the look.

Quote from anonymous Antifa member (in Guy Fawkes mask):

“Yelling at a kid about border enforcement? Dude. We’re anti-fascists, not anti-nap time.”

Comedy Closes the Case

Let’s be clear:

The Vice President’s baby has never:

Signed an executive order

Appeared on cable news

Voted against immigration reform

Denied anyone asylum

What she has done:

Cried when Minnie walked away too fast

Shared a chicken nugget with her brother

Said “puppy” 13 times in a row while pointing at a pigeon

That’s not complicity. That’s toddlerhood.

The Real Lesson:

Booing babies isn’t revolutionary. It’s weird.
It doesn’t build movements. It builds memes.
And it doesn’t dismantle systems. It just makes people unfollow your activism page.

Satirical Sources

Disneyland Protestor Mistakes Toddler for ICE Director

Marxists Demand Baby Join Union, She Demands Juice Box

Goofy Forms Bipartisan PAC: Parents Against Protester Shenanigans

Bubble Wand Used as Weapon in Ideological Turf War

Baby Accused of Border Crimes, Acquitted on Account of Being a Baby

Minnie Mouse Says “Don’t Boo Children, You Monsters”

Auf Wiedersehen, Common Sense!

IMAGE GALLERY

Disneyland Protestor Mistakes Toddler for ICE Director

Disneyland Protestor Mistakes Toddler for ICE Director -- Disneyland CA - Angry Marxist screaming at a toddler! 

Disneyland Protestor Mistakes Toddler for ICE Director -- Disneyland CA - Angry Marxist screaming at a toddler! 

Disneyland Protestor Mistakes Toddler for ICE Director -- Disneyland CA - Angry Marxist screaming at a toddler! https://bohiney.com/california-marxists-boo-toddler-at-disneyland/