Disney Announces New Princess
Disney Announces New Princess Who’s Just Tired of Everything
Her Magic Power? Boundary Setting.
By Sigrid Bjornsson | Existential Animation Bureau Chief | Bohiney.com
BURBANK, CA — In a bold departure from tiaras, talking animals, and problematic royal bloodlines, Disney has announced its newest animated princess: Princess Ennui of the Kingdom of Whatever.
Unlike her predecessors who sang to woodland creatures, ran barefoot through magical forests, or sang inspirational songs about finding themselves, Princess Ennui has opted out. Of everything. She’s over it. And she’s not afraid to tell you. Or your enchanted teapot.
“Her special power is not bursting into song,” explained executive producer Rona Deluge. “It’s setting firm emotional boundaries while remaining visibly unimpressed by magic. That’s where the market is right now.”
Princess Ennui will headline Disney’s next animated feature, Whatever Forever, described as “Frozen meets Daria meets a prescription for SSRIs that hasn’t kicked in yet.”
Meet Princess Ennui: Royal by Birth, Apathetic by Choice
Born to King Ambivalence and Queen Low Expectations, Princess Ennui is first introduced staring directly into the camera, saying, “Don’t expect a musical number. I have dry mouth.”
She wears a bathrobe fashioned from recycled Disney merchandise and a crown that keeps slipping off because she “refuses to posture for structural symbols of inherited hierarchy.”
The official character bio reads:
“Ennui, 17, suffers from chronic realism. She’s been prescribed a therapist, a weighted blanket, and a support lizard named Susan. Her royal decree? Everyone stop asking her to feel grateful.”
Her sidekick, Doompuff the Emotional Support Possum, has anxiety-induced narcolepsy and narrates large portions of the film through internal screaming.
Plot Summary (Loosely)
In Whatever Forever, Princess Ennui is told she must save her kingdom from a vague threat described only as “Impending Shitstorm.” Her parents beg her to marry a boring but chiseled prince from the Kingdom of HyperProductiva. She declines with a soft grunt and a legal statement titled “No Means Get Lost.”
Instead of journeying on a heroic quest, Ennui walks to her room, opens a Costco-sized tub of hummus, and begins journaling under a weighted blanket printed with the phrase “Please Do Not Perceive Me.”
By Act III, she’s legally emancipated from the narrative arc, starts a podcast called “Sad But Boundaried,” and refuses to accept the hero’s call, which forces the kingdom to resolve its issues through decentralized therapy circles.
What the Funny People Are Saying
“I love this for her. Disney finally made a princess who doesn’t need a prince, just space.” — Amy Schumer
“This is the first Disney movie where the heroine says ‘I’m not in the emotional bandwidth for a redemption arc today.’” — Jerry Seinfeld
“She doesn’t sing ‘Let It Go.’ She sings, ‘Let It Rot.’” — Ron White
“Finally, someone who defeats evil by ghosting it.” — Wanda Sykes
Magic Powers: The Anti-Enchantment Enchantment
Princess Ennui’s powers include:
Automatic Disassociation: Can tune out villains, marriage proposals, and musical cues.
Passive-Aggressive Weather Manipulation: Causes overcast skies when micro-aggressed.
Invisibility Cloak of Emotional Labor: Becomes unseen when someone starts venting without asking first.
Forcefield of ‘Not Today’: Deflects unsolicited advice, optimism, and enchanted suitors with dreams of reforming her.
Ennui’s most powerful weapon is her stare: a withering glare capable of reducing a dragon to a therapy session.
The Inspiration: Gen Z and the Rise of the ‘Tired But Trying’ Heroine
“We created Ennui based on focus group data and TikTok,” said creative lead Flora Denton. “Today’s youth don’t want a heroine who overcomes adversity by believing in herself. They want one who wakes up, reads the news, and says, ‘No thanks.’”
Disney confirmed that they pulled from recent hit characters who scream softly inside while smiling outwardly, like:
Luisa from Encanto, who sings about her back pain and mental collapse in “Surface Pressure.”
Elsa from Frozen, whose idea of joy is exile and anxiety snow.
Mirabel from Encanto, a heroine whose only magic is staying emotionally regulated in a toxic family system.
“Princess Ennui is all of these characters distilled into one,” Denton added. “Except she doesn’t want to fix anything. And she’s unionizing the forest creatures.”
Bohiney News -- A wide-format satirical cartoon in the style of Tina Bohiney titled 'Not Today, Royal Suitor'. A modern, exhausted fairy tale princess wearing a robe... -- Alan Nafzger
Merchandise Includes Self-Care Kits, Notepads for Canceling Plans
To accompany the film, Disney is launching a line of Princess Ennui merchandise, including:
“Not My Problem” notebooks for writing down boundaries.
Aromatherapy swords that release lavender when waved passive-aggressively.
Action figures with zero articulation – Ennui doesn’t move unless it’s court-mandated.
Soundtrack vinyl featuring 12 ambient sighs and a bonus track: “I’m Not Mad, Just Existentially Done.”
The promotional tagline?
“She’s not here to save the world. She’s here to reclaim her lunch break.”
Critical Reception (Leaked Early Reviews)
Variety:
A masterclass in minimal effort. Ennui is the princess we didn’t know we needed because we were too tired to want anything.
The Atlantic:
Finally, a heroine who has both clinical depression and healthy boundaries. Progress.
Fox News:
Is Disney indoctrinating our daughters into the cult of mediocrity?
NPR:
Ennui dismantles the toxic optimism-industrial complex with stunning grace and a single raised eyebrow.
Villains Are Exhausting Too
The film’s villain, Duke Smilenstein, is a toxic positivity influencer who arrives mid-film chanting “Happiness is a choice!” Ennui vaporizes him by offering a Google doc of peer-reviewed studies on depression.
Another enemy, Baroness Busyness, tries to convince Ennui to fill every hour of her schedule. Ennui fends her off with a “No Thanks” sticker and six to eight hours of uninterrupted journaling.
In one scene, the final boss tries to cast a spell called “Forever Grateful.” Ennui blocks it by muttering, “I don’t owe anyone my energy,” and slapping on a therapy co-pay invoice.
Soundtrack Highlights
“I Dreamed a Nap” – lullaby about skipping brunch and prioritizing REM cycles.
“No is a Sentence” – sung softly while staring at her reflection.
“Just Vibe, Don’t Fix Me” – co-written by three burnt-out therapists.
“Hummus in the Moonlight” – Ennui’s snack-fueled cryballad.
All songs are under 90 seconds to respect attention spans.
Fan Reactions: Finally, Someone Who Gets It
The announcement sparked wild celebrations on Reddit’s r/disneydisenchantment and TikTok, where creators began roleplaying Princess Ennui turning down plotlines:
“POV: You’re a talking squirrel trying to get Princess Ennui to care about the enchanted forest and she just gives you a $20 and says, ‘Figure it out, Todd.’”
Another viral tweet read:
“Disney really made a princess who’s one microaggression away from moving to Iceland and ghosting her lineage.”
One fan called her “the poster child for strategic emotional withdrawal.”
Another commented, “She has no prince, no horse, and no WiFi. Honestly? Goals.”
A Royal Family of Underachievers
Her father, King Ambivalence, once led a crusade but got distracted by a sudoku puzzle.
Her mother, Queen Low Expectations, frequently tells villagers: “Don’t try too hard, just show up emotionally hydrated.”
The royal family crest is a pigeon mid-shrug with the motto: “It’s Fine.”
Marketing: “Come Watch Nothing Happen”
Early trailers feature Ennui sitting in her therapist’s office, whispering:
“My trauma arc is none of your business.”
The trailer ends with a cat knocking over a magical chalice and Ennui muttering:
“That’s tomorrow’s mess.”
Bohiney News -- A wide-format satirical cartoon titled 'Not Today, Royal Suitor'. A tired, modern fairytale princess wearing a bathrobe and crown slams her ornate cas... -- Alan Nafzger
Disney Therapist Warns: Princesses May Be Overbooked, Underhydrated
In a confidential scroll leaked from the Kingdom of Burnout, Disney’s in-house therapist Dr. Darlene Wishbone issued a formal diagnosis: princesses are suffering from chronic over-scheduling and severe hydration neglect.
“Most of them haven’t had a sip of water since the second act,” said Dr. Wishbone during a press conference held inside Belle’s old library. “They're expected to fight villains, lead revolutions, perform three ballads, and still have time for emotional healing. It’s absurd.”
According to her findings, Ariel has been surviving on saltwater and anxiety, while Tiana reportedly schedules her nervous breakdowns between gumbo shifts.
Wishbone recommends that future storylines include hydration arcs, scheduled downtime, and at least one scene where a princess says, “No, I can’t save the kingdom today. I’m exfoliating.”
Disney executives have responded by rolling out “Magical Sippy Cups” in upcoming films and introducing “Nap Montage Sequences” scored by Billie Eilish.
A change is long overdue. As Dr. Wishbone put it: “If Snow White had just taken 20 minutes to journal and hydrate, she might’ve seen that apple situation coming.”
Luisa from Encanto Diagnosed With Existential Overfunctioning
In what experts are calling the most overdue diagnosis in animated history, Luisa Madrigal has officially been diagnosed with “Existential Overfunctioning Disorder” (EOD) — a syndrome marked by excessive strength, chronic eye-twitching, and the belief that personal worth is determined by how many donkeys you can stack.
The diagnosis was delivered by Dr. Margarita Softknees, Encanto’s only therapist not trapped under a mountain of generational guilt. “Luisa doesn’t just carry physical burdens,” Softknees said. “She’s emotionally shouldering a village, three siblings, and the emotional repression of 14 aunts.”
Symptoms include lifting architecture during emotional breakdowns, fear of appearing weak while sobbing in private, and singing bangers like “Surface Pressure” instead of seeking therapy.
Disney has confirmed that Luisa’s sequel spin-off, “Luisa: I’m Putting the Damn Boulder Down,” will focus on her healing journey, journaling under waterfalls, and learning to say, “That’s not my responsibility, compadre.”
When asked how she felt post-diagnosis, Luisa responded, “I cried and it didn’t even cause a mudslide. Progress.”
Bohiney News -- A wide-format satirical cartoon titled 'Not Today, Royal Suitor'. A modern, exhausted fantasy princess slams the ornate castle door shut on a bewilder... -- Alan Nafzger
Elsa’s Ice Castle Revealed to Be Metaphor for Emotional Avoidance
Architects and therapists agree: Elsa’s iconic Ice Castle is less a royal retreat and more a frosty fortress of emotional detachment.
The discovery was made by renowned Disney psychologist Dr. Philomena Frostbite, who visited the location with a team of trauma-informed songbirds. “Each crystal spire represents a repressed emotion,” she explained. “And the grand staircase? Classic flight response.”
While initially thought to symbolize independence, the Ice Castle has been reclassified under the DSM as ‘Avoidant Attachment Structure, Type-A Frosted.’ Interior features include:
An echo chamber for anxious monologues
Self-scooping isolation benches
No thermostat — because feelings aren’t allowed
Elsa, who once sang “Let It Go,” has reportedly begun whispering “Let’s Talk About It” into snowflakes during therapy sessions.
Disney plans to remodel the castle into “Elsa’s Center for Reframing Cold Emotions,” complete with cozy throw blankets and emotionally available reindeer.
Fans support the change. One viewer wrote: “I always thought it was odd how Elsa built a giant, freezing tower when she clearly needed a support group and some tea.”
Talking Teapot Says She’s Retiring, Cites Lack of Boundaries
Mrs. Potts, the beloved anthropomorphic teapot from Beauty and the Beast, has formally announced her retirement, citing “decades of unpaid emotional labor and an alarming lack of personal boundaries.”
In a press release steeped in chamomile and rage, Mrs. Potts confessed: “I raised a cursed man-child, served tea to intruders, and sang lullabies to traumatized candles — all while being ceramic. It’s too much.”
Experts estimate she’s poured over 4,000 gallons of unsanctioned hospitality while suppressing burnout, rage, and a chronic chip on her spout.
Her decision follows a growing movement among enchanted objects advocating for work-life balance. Lumière is reportedly unionizing, while Cogsworth demands to “clock out for real.”
Mrs. Potts is now opening a wellness retreat called “Steep Yourself: Boundaries & Brews,” offering therapy-infused herbal infusions and nightly affirmations like “You are not your master’s trauma.”
When asked if she’ll miss the castle, Mrs. Potts replied: “I’ll miss Chip. I won’t miss cleaning up after another royal tantrum served on a doily.”
Enchanted Mirror Calls Princess Out for Self-Sabotage
In an unexpected act of self-awareness, the Magic Mirror from Snow White has turned his gaze inward — and then right back at the princess.
During a recent morning consultation, the mirror interrupted its usual flattery to declare: “You’re not the fairest. You’re just afraid of being the most vulnerable.”
Snow White was reportedly shocked and moisturized, having just exfoliated for what she assumed would be another affirmation session.
“Your people-pleasing is not kindness, it’s a trauma response,” the Mirror added. “Try saying no once without smiling.
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