Global Leaders Meet in Cyprus to Discuss Fuel Crisis, Accidentally Burn Through Buffet Budget Solving Nothing Expensively
Representatives of multiple governments convened this week to discuss the global fuel and energy crisis produced by the US-Iran conflict and the continued disruption to Strait of Hormuz shipping, in a gathering that produced a joint communiqué, several strongly worded paragraphs about freedom of navigation, a reaffirmation of shared values, and a catering bill that would have purchased approximately 40,000 litres of petrol at current UK pump prices. The petrol, had it been available, would have been more immediately useful than the communiqué.
International diplomatic activity around the Iran crisis has intensified as the economic consequences compound. The IEA declared the combined Iran-Russia energy disruption the worst energy crisis in history. European Union foreign policy chief Kaja Kallas said freedom of navigation was "non-negotiable." UK Prime Minister Starmer and French President Macron established a multinational mine-clearance mission for the Strait. Several additional summit processes are under way. The Strait remains effectively closed. The meetings continue.
The Summit Architecture
International summits on energy crises follow a recognisable architecture regardless of venue. There is an arrival ceremony. There are bilateral meetings in rooms with flags. There are photographs in front of flags. There is a plenary session. There is a joint statement that contains words like "robust," "comprehensive," "coordinated," and "decisive." There is a press conference in which each leader describes the meeting as productive and historic. There is a flight home. The next summit is scheduled.
The energy crisis that prompted the meeting does not attend the meeting. It continues operating independently in the Arabian Sea, the Brent crude forward curve, and the petrol station in Columbus, Ohio, where gas is $4.87 a gallon and the attendant has not been to Cyprus.
What Summits Can and Cannot Do
Summits can build political consensus, coordinate policy responses, and establish frameworks for action that later produce results. They can create the conditions for agreements that would not otherwise happen. They have done these things, historically, with genuine consequence. The OPEC+ coordination that followed the 1973 oil crisis, the G7 formation, the Paris Agreement — all were products of high-level diplomatic engagement that began in rooms with flags.
What summits cannot do is reopen the Strait of Hormuz. That requires the US, Iran, and Pakistan to conclude a deal. The deal is not at the summit. The deal is in a room in Islamabad, if it exists, which as of this writing it does not, because Iran has not confirmed it will attend the talks and the talks have not started.
Comedians Weigh In
Lewis Black described the relationship between international energy summits and actual energy prices as one of the defining mysteries of modern governance. "They meet. They say things. The oil price does what the oil price was going to do anyway. They schedule another meeting. The oil price continues. I've been watching this for fifty years."
Jon Stewart observed that the summit communiqué genre has become so standardised that it could be generated in advance. "You could write the joint statement before the summit. The words don't change. Robust. Decisive. Coordinated. Freedom of navigation. Shared values. Catering for forty. See you next quarter."
Bill Burr was more direct. "They flew to Cyprus. Cyprus. To discuss oil. On planes that run on oil. I know why they picked Cyprus. It's nice. But still. Cyprus."
The One Thing Nobody Can Fix at a Summit
The Strait of Hormuz is a 21-mile-wide waterway. The decision about whether ships can pass through it is currently made by the Iranian Revolutionary Guard and the US Navy, neither of which is attending the summit in Cyprus. Every leader at the table has an interest in the Strait reopening. None of them has a lever that reopens it. They are meeting, usefully and sincerely, about a problem whose solution requires two parties who are not in the room to make an agreement they have not yet made.
The buffet was excellent, by all accounts. The mineral water was still. The Strait remains effectively closed.
International diplomatic activity around the US-Iran conflict and energy crisis has intensified in April 2026, with multiple summit processes running simultaneously. UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer and French President Emmanuel Macron led a Paris summit establishing a multinational freedom-of-navigation and mine-clearance mission for the Strait of Hormuz. The EU has widened sanctions against Iran targeting entities responsible for navigation breaches. IEA chief Fatih Birol described the combined Iran-Russia energy disruption as the worst energy crisis in history. US-Iran peace talks mediated by Pakistan remain stalled, with Iran declining to attend a second round of negotiations in Islamabad while the US naval blockade of Iranian ports continues.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo! https://bohiney.com/global-leaders-meet-in-cyprus/
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