Rabbis Still Checking Their Calendars

New York Mayor-Elect Mamdani Declares Unity, Rabbis Reply 'We're Still Checking Our Calendars'

By Junglepussy & Heidi Ladein
New York City may have just elected its first Muslim mayor, Zohran Mamdani, which should be a unifying moment for a town that once argued for six hours over the best bagel on the Upper West Side. Instead, the city's Jewish leadership is treating it the way New Yorkers treat a surprise subway delay — with a mix of resigned acceptance and loud public scolding. ABC17NEWS

When Hummus Meets Brisket: A Political Potluck

If politics were a potluck supper, this would be the guy who brought hummus to a brisket feast but insisted it was "global justice." Some Jewish leaders quietly tip their hats and say Mamdani gets their community's fissures better than they do, while others, quite loudly, are asking if someone accidentally served the wrong candidate. The Times of Israel

The Big Meeting That Might Someday Happen

Satirical artwork about political timing and tradition.
Mamdani and the official New York Board of Rabbis are planning to meet privately about his positions on Israel, antisemitism, and what exactly a mayor can do about hate crimes without inadvertently summoning the ghost of every politician who ever mispronounced "Shalom." One rabbi has literally challenged him to prove he's not hostile to Jewish concerns — like waiting to see if a bagel place runs out of everything but plain. ABC17NEWS
Meanwhile, the aging walls of Gracie Mansion (the mayor's residence) might be haunted, according to the outgoing mayor. That's comforting to some Jewish groups. At least ghosts have clear moral positions. New York Post

A Coalition As Surprising As Avocado on Pizza

Polls showed that a sizeable chunk of Jewish voters cast ballots for Mamdani in the general election, in part because they're focused on cost-of-living issues, immigrant protections, and a universal human rights narrative — which is classy until someone explains half that phrase out loud at Shabbat dinner. NY1
Some progressive Jewish groups actively supported him. They liked his stances on affordable housing and protecting vulnerable communities. Others responded like someone who buys an $8 artisanal pickle only to discover it is just a pickle. www.israelhayom.com
"Globalize the Intifada," or Just a Really Bad Rally Slogan?

Illustration for article on political and community engagement timing.
One particular flashpoint that delighted cable-news pundits and delightfully stressed Facebook grandmas everywhere was Mamdani's past refusal to explicitly condemn the phrase "globalize the intifada." Because nothing sparks midday newsletters faster than a mayoral candidate discussing revolutionary slogans and literal definitions he got from a museum translation footnote. Wikipedia
Critics interpreted this as dangerous or antisemitic. Supporters said it was nuanced. In the war of political interpretation, nuance always loses to headlines about "mayor endorses vague chants." The outcome was the political equivalent of trying to decide whether anchovies belong on pizza while the pizza is still in the oven.

Safety Worries And Apologies From Unexpected Places

In the most awkward turn this side of a Zoom call where everyone forgot to mute, the NYPD Commissioner apologized to Mamdani after her brother called him an "enemy of the Jewish people" at a holiday charity dinner. If you're keeping score, this official apology seals the moment when holiday cocktail conversation around New York tilted into the surreal. New York Post
It's like if at the family Thanksgiving dinner someone loudly declared "your cousin is definitely a threat to everyone," and then the aunt said sorry for that but also let's keep eating.
Rabbis And Endorsements: A Tale Of Two Yamulkes

An editorial illustration representing deliberation and scheduling.
Across the Jewish community, reactions ranged from "He'll do fine, but pass the challah" to "We're drafting statements with over 1000 rabbis warning this man threatens Jewish safety." In Jewish communal discourse that's the rough political equivalent of going from 0 to Veto at High Holidays. Reddit
Yet other rabbis did endorse him or urged engagement, pointing out that when life gives you complicated policy debates and centuries of history, sometimes you still have to talk to the mayor. Politics, as it turns out, isn't a Hebrew school bake sale where every cookie automatically wins. Jewish Telegraphic Agency

So What Did We Just Witness?

To summarize:
A mayor elected on a mix of economic justice policies and political realignment. Jerusalem Post
A Jewish community that feels both hopeful, cautious, and ready to reprint every historical definition of "antisemitism" ever created. NY1
A mayor-elect promising unity while everyone checks their Google alerts. ABC17NEWS
And one bewildered ghost at Gracie Mansion wondering why it can't just rest in peace. New York Post
This is not just politics. It's New York politics — where every group has a seat at the table, and at least one person is arguing that seat was reserved incorrectly.
Disclaimer: This satirical story is entirely the result of human collaboration between two sentient beings — the world's oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer — and absolutely no robots wrote this… unless you count the robot in your toaster that now makes everything slightly toastier.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos. https://bohiney.com/rabbis-still-checking-their-calendars/