Prince Harry Reportedly Wants Back In...

Prince Harry Reportedly Wants To Establish His Own Royal Court, Britain Braces For Administrative Aftershocks

Experts Warn: "One Monarchy Is Already Too Many"
LONDON—In a move that has baffled constitutional scholars, irritated palace insiders, and delighted the global supply chain of novelty mugs, reports suggest Prince Harry is exploring the idea of setting up "a fully functioning royal court in Britain." Citizens across the UK have responded with dignified British composure, which is to say: panicked Googling and passive-aggressive muttering over tea.

Humorous take on the creation of new ceremonial roles in a modern court.
According to an unnamed insider who may or may not be the same "insider" every tabloid uses for three decades, Harry envisions a royal operation that functions independently of King Charles, Prince William, and the rest of the monarchy he voluntarily evacuated like a man escaping a theme park that kept charging him by the souvenir photo.
"Harry wants a court just like the one he grew up in," said the alleged insider. "He misses the structure, the dignity, and especially the staff who used to bring him toast. He's realized that Los Angeles assistants only bring gluten-free things, and he's really suffered."
Constitutional experts immediately jumped in to clarify that a "royal court" is not, tragically, a medieval castle filled with jesters juggling flaming torches while Meghan Markle reads dramatic monologues from Suits. Instead, it refers to the administrative apparatus that surrounds a working royal: advisors, secretaries, press teams, scheduling units, and the one guy who makes sure you never stand next to anyone taller, younger, or more charismatic than you.
Royal Court 2.0: Sussex Edition

Mock-up of the tabloid reaction to reports of a new royal establishment.
The proposed Sussex Court would reportedly operate from a location strategically chosen for its symbolism, convenience, and proximity to good hairdressers. Early contenders include Frogmore Cottage, Windsor Castle's unused broom closet, and the Pret a Manger near Kensington Palace where Harry claims he once felt "truly seen."
A preliminary organizational chart leaked online shows the following proposed positions:
- Chief Jolliness Officer (Meghan)
- Keeper of Royal Grievances (Harry)
- Duke of Netflix Relations
- Lady of Sustainable Teacup Procurement
- Press Secretary for Not That Press, The Other Press, The Friendly Press
- Official Historian Specializing in Why Everyone Else Is Wrong
- Royal Photographer Who Swears They Won't Use That Angle Again
Polls conducted by the Daily Mailshire Institute of Statistically Dubious Research show that 48 percent of Britons believe this plan is "an adorable attempt," 27 percent think it's "a cry for help," and 25 percent assumed Harry already had a court and are now "frankly exhausted."
Palace Reaction: A Six-Minute Eye Roll

The proposed branding for an independent Sussex royal court.
Buckingham Palace responded with its signature high-efficiency system of royal communication: a single eyebrow raise followed by a discreet "no comment," which insiders interpret as either
A) absolute fury or
B) lunchtime.
A senior royal source said off the record, "If Harry wants to hire his own staff and call them a court, that's his business. But if he starts knighting baristas, we might have to intervene."
The same source added, "There are rules, you know. You can't just declare yourself a royal court. That's how you get Renaissance fairs."
Sussex Allies Say It's About "Identity and Legacy"
Critics say it's about "needing to win an argument William forgot about two years ago."
One expert on royal behavior, Dr. Honoria Fiddlethorpe of the Institute for Overthinking Aristocrats, suggested Harry's ambition reflects "a yearning for purpose, dignity, and the structural support normally reserved for monarchs, toddlers, and people who own too many Labradors."
A longtime family friend, meanwhile, offered a different view: "Harry spent his whole life being told what to do, where to stand, and how not to embarrass anyone. Then he quit the job, moved across the ocean, wrote a book about how much he hated it, and now he wants it back… but even more custom. If that isn't the most human thing ever, I don't know what is."
Britain Responds: Collective Shrugging Heard Across the Commonwealth
Small businesses have already begun preparing for the potential Sussex Court, offering:
- Royal court-themed cappuccinos
- Official Sussex Court souvenir pencils (2 for £10, because inflation)
- A framed certificate declaring the buyer "Knight of the Low-Key Drama"
Meanwhile, on social media, responses range from "Let him have his little court, he's trying his best" to "If he opens a court, I'm opening one too, and mine will have better snacks."
Constitutional Implications? Eh, Let's Just Wing It

Symbolic image of a royal institution fracturing and rebranding.
The UK government has not formally addressed whether citizens are allowed to create their own royal courts, though sources say Parliament is "not eager to look this up right now."
Prime Ministerial aides reportedly ran a quick search during lunch and determined, "Technically? Maybe? Not sure? Ask again Monday."
Legal historians point out that the last person to set up an independent royal court in Britain was Oliver Cromwell, and that turned into a whole thing.
The Future: Two Monarchies? Zero Monarchies? Infinite Monarchies?
If Harry successfully establishes Sussex Court, experts warn it could trigger a chain reaction:
- Pippa Middleton establishes The Duchessy Annex of Nice-But-Not-Official Matters
- Ed Sheeran declares himself High Bard of Suffolk
- Liverpool forms The Court of Eternal Football Rights
- The National Trust overthrows them all and installs a teapot-based monarchy
But for now, the world watches, waiting to see if Harry truly sets up his court… or if this is simply another round of what psychologists call "Monarchal Nostalgia," a condition known to affect approximately 100 percent of ex-royals who realize Los Angeles doesn't have enough fog.
Until then, Britain remains calm, confused, and slightly judgmental. Tradition requires it.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.

Satirical illustration of competing royal households within the monarchy. https://bohiney.com/prince-harry-reportedly-wants-back-in/