Billionaires Secretly Funding Therapy for Overworked Peasants

Manhattan Elite Invest in Mental Health Programs for the Struggling

Manhattan's Wealthiest Elite Covertly Finance Therapy Expansion for Overworked Residents
In a revelation that has left economists scratching their heads and ordinary workers scratching their necks, sources report that Manhattan's wealthiest elite are secretly funding therapy programs for the city's overworked populace. The initiative, unofficially dubbed "Rich People Care…Sort Of," aims to help everyday New Yorkers cope with stress, burnout, and the existential terror of a nine-to-five grind—while allowing the super-rich to sleep comfortably in their silk sheets.
"It's altruism with spreadsheets," said an anonymous hedge fund manager. "We decided that if people are going to be miserable anyway, they might as well be professionally miserable. Plus, it's tax-deductible."
Therapeutic Programs Focus on Acceptance and Systemic Inequality Internalization
Therapy sessions, according to leaked documents, include cognitive-behavioral techniques, meditation, and guided exercises in learning to accept life's unfairness. One popular module teaches participants to internalize the mantra: 'It's fine that my neighbor's child has access to free childcare while I can't afford avocado toast.'
Psychologists involved in the project note that the funding is substantial and surprisingly consistent. "These billionaires have been very disciplined," said Dr. Lena Wharton, lead therapist. "We now have 42 clinics across the city providing mental health support, funded by people who would otherwise be attending exclusive polo matches or investing in gold-plated hamster wheels."
Performance Philanthropy Addresses Symptoms, Not Structural Inequality
While most recipients are grateful, reactions among the wealthy vary. Some enjoy the moral glow that comes from "helping the little people," while others reportedly take satisfaction in watching stressed clients discover mindfulness apps that cost more than the therapists themselves. "It's performance philanthropy," admitted one financier. "They think it's therapy; we think it's live theater."
Economic analysts warn that while the program addresses symptoms of overwork, it does little to fix the underlying causes, namely long hours, insufficient wages, and systemic inequality. "It's like putting a bandage on a building collapse," said labor economist Patrick Glenn. "The therapy may be good, but people still need proper paychecks and weekends off."
Therapy Becomes Luxury Experience for Working Class
Still, for everyday New Yorkers, the program is a rare win. "I used to cry quietly on the subway," said subway musician Sylvia Kim. "Now I cry in a therapist's office while someone explains that capitalism is just a phase and that my suffering can be reframed as growth. Honestly, it feels…luxurious." Jerry Seinfeld said, "Why do we need therapy? I pay taxes. Isn't that depressing enough?"
As the city navigates the delicate balance between wealth concentration and mental health, one thing is clear: the richest people in Manhattan are learning that funding therapy for the masses is cheaper than changing the system—and somehow, that counts as generosity.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos. https://bohiney.com/billionaires-secretly-funding-therapy-for-overworked-peasants/