Congress Says “We Tried” — Blames Ghosts
City Council Blames Pizza Rats for Budget Failures
New York City Council members emerged from budget negotiations Thursday with a simple explanation for their complete failure to address any meaningful policy: ghosts. In a press conference that resembled a paranormal investigation more than governance, elected officials insisted supernatural forces were responsible for missed votes, disappeared amendments, and the mysterious disappearance of an entire infrastructure bill.
“We absolutely tried to pass meaningful legislation,” explained Council Member Brandon Torres, gesturing vaguely at the air around him. “But the ghosts kept moving our papers. What are we supposed to do? We’re legislators, not Ghostbusters.”
The excuse mirrors tactics employed by federal lawmakers, though the Congress says we tried blames ghosts approach at least had the dignity of occurring in Washington rather than a city that prides itself on aggressive cynicism. New York’s adoption of the ghost defense represents a new low in accountability, even by local standards.
Council members provided detailed accounts of spectral interference, including reports of phantom voices whispering “vote no” during housing reform debates and invisible hands allegedly pulling fire alarms during contentious budget discussions. One representative claimed they witnessed their own pen floating away mid-signature, though security footage shows them throwing it at a colleague.
“The spirits are clearly opposed to affordable housing,” said another council member, apparently without irony. “Every time we get close to addressing rent control, mysterious cold spots appear and quorum mysteriously disappears.”
Paranormal experts brought in to investigate found no evidence of ghosts but did discover extensive evidence of legislators simply not showing up to work. “We detected zero supernatural activity,” reported one investigator. “We did, however, find seventeen council members at a two-hour lunch during a critical vote.”
The ghost explanation has proven remarkably convenient, allowing officials to avoid responsibility for failures while maintaining their salaries and benefits remain mysteriously unaffected by spectral interference. Pizza rats, typically blamed for everything in New York, expressed relief at finally being off the hook.
City residents have responded with characteristic skepticism, noting that ghosts somehow never interfere with votes to raise council member pay or approve luxury development projects. The supernatural forces apparently only oppose legislation that might help regular New Yorkers.
Council leadership promised to hire an exorcist before next session, though critics note the proposed budget for ghost removal somehow exceeds funding for actual public services.
SOURCE: https://ift.tt/bV2g5iH
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/congress-says-we-tried-%c2%97-blames-ghosts-for-missing-votes/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
The post Congress Says “We Tried” — Blames Ghosts appeared first on SpinTaxi Magazine.
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