City Hall Bans Pizza Folding

Officials say New Yorkers must eat flat or leave

In a move that has shaken the city’s identity, City Hall has announced a ban on folding pizza. According to reports, New Yorkers must now eat slices flat—or face fines. The decree, issued under the guise of “culinary modernization,” has sparked protests across all five boroughs.

“This is an attack on tradition,” shouted one Brooklynite, holding up a dripping slice like a protest sign. “If we can’t fold, then what separates us from Jersey?”

Officials defended the rule, claiming folding creates grease runoff hazards on sidewalks. “Every folded slice is a potential slip-and-fall lawsuit,” one spokesperson argued. They also claimed unfolded pizza promotes mindfulness. “Take time. Enjoy the slice. Experience the cheese.”

The backlash was immediate. Crowds gathered at City Hall, chanting, “Fold or Die!” Famous pizzerias like Di Fara and Joe’s openly defied the ban, handing out folded slices in an act of culinary rebellion. “Next they’ll tell us to eat bagels with a knife and fork,” one furious chef fumed.

Tabloids had a field day: “SLICE OF TYRANNY” screamed the Daily News. Social media erupted with folding tutorials, civil disobedience videos, and memes of pizza slices strapped into tiny seat belts. One TikTok protester even staged a sit-in at Lombardi’s, eating 17 folded slices in solidarity before collapsing into a cheese coma.

Even celebrities weighed in. Jerry Seinfeld called the ban “a crime against comedy,” while Lady Gaga promised to write a protest anthem titled “Born This Slice.” Rumors suggest the Naked Cowboy may chain himself to a wood-fired oven until the law is overturned.

City Council members are already split. Queens representatives vow to fight the law, while Manhattan elites shrug, claiming they’ve been eating gluten-free flatbreads for years. Staten Island, meanwhile, declared independence, vowing to become “the Folded Republic.”

Legal experts warn the ban could spark lawsuits, with folding considered “a sacred cultural practice” protected under the First Amendment. “This is bigger than pizza,” one lawyer argued. “It’s about freedom. It’s about identity. It’s about the right to live dangerously with molten cheese burns.”

For now, enforcement remains patchy. Some diners report undercover inspectors issuing fines, while others say cops refuse to participate. “I’m not arresting a guy for folding pizza,” one NYPD officer laughed. “I fold too.”

Still, the threat looms. As one Brooklyn grandmother warned: “Take away folding today, tomorrow they’ll outlaw cursing at cabbies. And then what’s left of New York?”

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/city-hall-bans-pizza-folding/

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/city-hall-bans-pizza-folding/.

By: Annika Steinmann.

Annika Steinmann, journalist at bohiney.com -- City Hall Bans Pizza Folding
Annika Steinmann, journalist.

The post City Hall Bans Pizza Folding appeared first on SpinTaxi Magazine.



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