Erma Bombeck

What Would Erma Bombeck Do?

A Guide to Surviving 2025's Parenting Trends
If Erma Bombeck were alive today, she'd be having a field day with the chaos of modern parenting. Here's how the queen of domestic satirical journalism would tackle 2025's most ridiculous family trends, channeling her legendary "At Wit's End" wisdom.
There I was, standing in my kitchen at 6:47 AM, staring at my phone while it cheerfully announced that my AI parenting assistant had scheduled seventeen "mindful moments" for little Timmy today. Seventeen. The same kid who considers putting on matching socks a mindful moment.
Welcome to parenting in 2025, where we've somehow managed to make raising children more complicated than launching a space shuttle. If Erma Bombeck, the beloved Dayton humorist, were here today, she'd take one look at our "lighthouse parenting pods" and "zero-waste family ecosystems" and reach for the nearest cocktail. Then she'd sit down at her typewriter and explain why we've all lost our minds, just like she did with the domestic chaos of suburban life in her famous columns.

How Erma Bombeck Would Handle AI Parenting: When Robots Know Your Kid Better Than You Do

Parents in 2025 are using AI to write custom bedtime stories, manage schedules, and answer those endless "why" questions. Because nothing says "quality family time" like having a computer program tell your child about the birds and the bees.
A University of Kansas study found parents trusted content produced by ChatGPT more than that produced by doctors. That's right, folks. We're now taking medical advice from the same technology that once told someone to put glue on pizza.
Erma Bombeck's humor would have skewered this trend perfectly. She understood that parenting wisdom comes from experience, not algorithms. Jerry Seinfeld put it perfectly at his Madison Square Garden show last week: "What's the deal with AI parenting? My mother raised four kids without asking a computer if I needed a nap. She just looked at me and said, 'You look tired, go to bed.' Now parents need an algorithm to tell them their kid is hungry when he's standing there holding an empty cereal bowl."
The funniest part? These AI assistants are supposedly personalizing everything for your child's unique needs. My neighbor's AI suggested her three-year-old would benefit from "investment portfolio diversification discussions" during snack time. I suggested she switch to decaf.
Sarah Silverman nailed it during her Netflix special taping: "My mom didn't need artificial intelligence to raise me. She had natural intelligence. And wine. Mostly wine."

Erma Bombeck vs. Lighthouse Parenting: Because Helicopter Wasn't Confusing Enough

Lighthouse parenting is gaining traction among parents, providing firm boundaries and emotional support while letting children navigate their own challenges. It's like helicopter parenting, but with better marketing.
The lighthouse parent stands tall and majestic, sending out beams of wisdom while their child crashes into the rocks anyway. At least helicopter parents hovering overhead could swoop down and prevent disaster. Lighthouse parents just shine a light on the wreckage and say, "Well, at least we maintained appropriate boundaries!"
I tried lighthouse parenting for exactly one morning. My beam of maternal wisdom illuminated my eight-year-old attempting to make breakfast by microwaving a whole egg. In its shell. I had two choices: maintain my lighthouse stance and watch him learn from natural consequences, or prevent my kitchen from becoming a Jackson Pollock painting. I chose intervention. Some of us prefer our lessons without the fire department.
This is exactly the kind of parenting trend that Erma Bombeck books would have demolished with her signature wit. She knew that parenting styles come and go, but common sense and humor are timeless.
Dave Chappelle captured the absurdity perfectly in his recent interview: "Lighthouse parenting? Man, my dad wasn't a lighthouse. He was more like a foghorn. Real loud, couldn't see him coming, scared the hell out of you when he showed up."

Parenting Pods: It Takes a Village, But Make It Complicated

Families are teaming up for co-op childcare, shared homeschooling duties, and group extracurriculars to lighten the load and save money. Because what every stressed parent needs is to add five more families to their group chat.
The parenting pod sounds wonderful in theory. Share the burden! Pool resources! Create a support network! In reality, you're now responsible for remembering which kid is allergic to tree nuts, which one can't have screen time after 4 PM, and which parent thinks sugar is basically heroin.
Last Tuesday, our pod's group text exploded because one family brought non-organic goldfish crackers to playgroup. By Wednesday, we had formed subcommittees on snack appropriateness and conflict resolution. By Thursday, I was googling "how to leave a parenting pod without causing international incident."
Amy Schumer summed it up beautifully during her appearance on The Tonight Show: "I joined a parenting pod thinking it would make my life easier. Now I have seventeen people's opinions on my child's lunch box. Seventeen! I didn't ask seventeen people what to name my kid, why would I ask them about his sandwich?"

Multigenerational Living: When Grandma Moves In and Takes Over

The share of the U.S. population living in multigenerational households in 2021 was 18%, according to the Pew Research Center. Rising housing costs mean Grandma's moving back in, and she has opinions about your parenting style.
Three generations under one roof sounds heartwarming until you're caught between your mother insisting kids need fresh air and your wife insisting kids need sunscreen with an SPF of 847. I've become a diplomatic translator: "What Mom means is..." and "What Grandma is trying to say is..."
The thermostat wars alone could power a small country. Grandpa wants it at 78, Mom wants it at 72, the baby needs it at exactly 68.5, and I just want to move to a hotel.
Bill Burr described it perfectly in his podcast: "My mother-in-law moved in during COVID and never left. Now I get parenting advice from three women who raised kids in three different decades. It's like having a focus group that never ends and they all think I'm doing it wrong."

Zero-Waste Parenting: Saving the Planet One Organic Cotton Diaper at a Time

Families are embracing zero-waste living, renewable energy, and home gardens to boost sustainability. The challenge? Convincing your 8-year-old that composting is cool.
Nothing says "fun family activity" like teaching your preschooler to sort garbage into seventeen different categories. My daughter now lectures me about the environmental impact of her juice box while simultaneously demanding I drive her three blocks to soccer practice.
We installed a composting system that requires more maintenance than a newborn. There's a schedule for turning it, a precise ratio of green to brown materials, and a thermometer to check its temperature. I've never monitored anything this closely, including my children's fever.
The zero-waste bathroom alone requires an engineering degree. We have mason jars for everything, reusable alternatives to items I didn't know needed alternatives, and a spreadsheet tracking our family's carbon pawprint. Yes, we calculated the dog's environmental impact.
Kevin Hart joked about this during his recent standup: "My wife went zero-waste and now my house looks like a science experiment. We got jars everywhere, sprouting things, fermenting things. I'm afraid to open the refrigerator. Something might crawl out and demand I compost it."

Financial Literacy for Toddlers: Because Preschoolers Need Investment Portfolios

Parents in 2025 are embracing gamified apps and interactive tools to teach saving, investing, and budgeting early on. My three-year-old now has a better understanding of compound interest than I do.
These apps turn everything into a financial lesson. Potty training? That's about investing in long-term independence. Sharing toys? Risk diversification. Time-outs? Market corrections.
My neighbor's five-year-old asked me if I'd considered the tax implications of giving him Halloween candy. When I was his age, my biggest financial concern was whether I had enough quarters for the gumball machine.
The apps promise to prepare kids for economic reality, but they're creating tiny financial advisors who question every purchase. "Mommy, wouldn't that money be better invested in a index fund?" Yes, sweetheart, but Mommy needs coffee to function.
Chris Rock addressed this in his recent interview: "Kids now know about cryptocurrency before they know how to tie their shoes. My daughter asked me about Bitcoin. I told her, 'Baby, Daddy still figuring out Venmo. Let me master one digital thing at a time.'"

Mindful Parenting: Zen and the Art of Not Losing Your Mind

Mindful parenting emphasizes deep breathing, gratitude exercises, and creating tech-free times to encourage presence and connection. Because nothing promotes mindfulness like explaining to a tantruming toddler why we need to take three deep breaths before addressing his urgent goldfish cracker emergency.
I downloaded a meditation app specifically for families. It features a soothing voice guiding us through "present moment awareness" while my kids fight over who gets to hold the mindfulness bell. The irony is not lost on me.
Tech-free time is particularly challenging when you need GPS to find your way home from mindfulness class. We've designated meal times as device-free zones, which means I now eat in blessed silence while my children stare at me expectantly, as if I'm dinner entertainment.
The gratitude exercises are sweet in theory. In practice, my seven-year-old's daily gratitude includes "being thankful we don't have to eat vegetables in heaven" and "being grateful my brother is adopted." (He's not adopted.)
Tiffany Haddish shared her experience on The Ellen Show: "I tried mindful parenting with my niece. Lasted about five minutes. Kid threw a tantrum, I threw my mindfulness out the window. Sometimes auntie needs to be mindful of her sanity first."

The Great Screen Time Debate: Digital Addiction or Digital Native?

Current parenting discussions are obsessing over screen time limits while simultaneously using apps to monitor screen time. The irony is thicker than my grandmother's gravy.
We've created elaborate reward systems for less screen time, tracked through – you guessed it – an app on our screens. My kids earn points for outdoor play, logged digitally, to trade for more screen time. It's like a casino rewards program for childhood.
The "educational screen time" loophole has parents convinced that any app with numbers or letters counts as learning. My neighbor's kid watches YouTube videos about dinosaurs for six hours and calls it paleontology research. I call it babysitting by algorithm.
Gabriel Iglesias put it best in his latest special: "Kids today got more screen time rules than inmates got prison rules. Can't use tablet after 8 PM, no phones during dinner, educational content only on weekdays. I grew up with three TV channels and I turned out fine. Well, mostly fine."

What Erma Bombeck Would Say About Mom Guilt 3.0: Now With More Apps to Track Your Failures

Social media has evolved mom guilt from a simple feeling to a competitive sport. There are influencer mothers documenting their children's organic, locally-sourced, Instagram-worthy childhood while I'm proud my kid ate something green (it was a Skittle, but still).
Pinterest boards promise DIY projects that will create "magical childhood memories." I attempted seventeen of them. My kids preferred the cardboard boxes the supplies came in. Apparently, imagination doesn't require a hot glue gun and Pinterest tutorial.
The photo documentation pressure is real. Every moment must be captured, filtered, and shared to prove we're creating meaningful experiences. I've become the family paparazzi, interrupting actual fun to document the theoretical fun we're supposedly having.
Erma Bombeck quotes perfectly capture this modern madness: "Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving." She understood that maternal guilt has always existed – we've just found new ways to weaponize it against ourselves.
Wanda Sykes nailed it during her comedy tour: "These Instagram moms making the rest of us look bad. They got theme parties for Tuesday lunch, handmade costumes for grocery shopping. Lady, my kid wore pajamas to school picture day and we called it vintage chic."

The Organic Everything Revolution: When Food Becomes a Religion

Parents are prioritizing eco-friendly toys and sustainable choices, teaching kids about environmental responsibility. My grocery bill now requires a second mortgage, but at least my child's crackers are made from sustainably harvested, non-GMO, blessed-by-monks wheat.
The organic produce section has become a judgment zone. Other parents scan your cart like customs agents, silently noting the conventional bananas and processed cheese. I've started shopping with dark sunglasses and a baseball cap.
School lunches require a degree in nutritional science and certification in sustainable agriculture. The lunch box review process is more intensive than a security clearance. Too much sugar? Shame. Not enough protein? Double shame. Forgot the organic fruit? Parental failure.
Tom Segura described the pressure perfectly: "My kid's lunch box got more rules than international trade agreements. Nut-free, gluten-free, dairy-free, fun-free. At this point, I'm packing air and calling it a breath sandwich."

Political Parenting: When Everything Becomes a Teachable Moment

Current headlines about Charlie Kirk's assassination and political tensions have parents navigating how to explain complex political situations to children who still believe in the tooth fairy.
Every news cycle brings another "age-appropriate conversation" about topics that would challenge philosophy professors. I've explained international relations to a six-year-old who thinks Canada is where her grandma lives and foreign policy is about being nice to the kid next door.
The parenting experts suggest "honest but reassuring" discussions about current events. Right. I'll just explain political violence to my preschooler in a way that's truthful but not traumatizing, comprehensive but not overwhelming, and educational but not terrifying. No pressure.
My eight-year-old now asks questions that would stump Sunday morning political talk shows. Yesterday she wanted to know why people can't just "use their nice words" to solve problems. I told her she should run for office.
Trevor Noah captured this challenge perfectly: "Kids asking questions about the news is like giving a philosophy final to someone who still eats crayons. 'Mommy, why do people hurt each other?' I don't know, honey, grown-ups are weird. Here, watch some cartoons."

Erma Bombeck's Suburban Survival Guide: Timeless Wisdom for Modern Parenting Chaos

If Erma Bombeck were here today, she'd remind us that the fundamentals haven't changed. Kids still need love, boundaries, and parents who haven't completely lost their minds. The delivery method might involve more apps and fewer common sense, but the core mission remains the same: raise decent humans without completely destroying yourself in the process.
She'd probably point out that every generation thinks they're the first to figure out parenting, while simultaneously screwing it up in spectacular new ways. Our parents worried about too much TV; we worry about too much screen time. Our grandparents worried about moral fiber; we worry about organic fiber.
The truth is, most of these trends will fade faster than a toddler's attention span. The mindful parenting movement will give way to something equally absurd, the AI assistants will be replaced by whatever the next technological panic becomes, and our children will grow up to create their own ridiculous parenting trends that make ours look quaint.
Like the great domestic satirist Erma Bombeck taught us, the secret to parenting isn't perfection – it's perspective. And maybe a good sense of humor about the beautiful disaster that is family life.
Nate Bargatze summed it up perfectly in his recent Netflix special: "Every generation thinks they're doing it better than the last one. My parents thought they were better than their parents, I think I'm better than mine, my kids will think they're better than me. It's just a circle of judgment with snacks in between."

The Bottom Line: What Would Erma Bombeck Really Do?

Erma Bombeck would look at our 2025 parenting landscape and do what she always did: find the universal truth hiding beneath the trendy packaging. She'd remind us that behind every parenting fad is a parent trying their best with the information they have, armed with nothing but good intentions and questionable judgment.
She'd probably start a support group for parents overwhelmed by choice. Call it "Recovering Perfectionists Anonymous" and serve coffee strong enough to power a small city. The first rule would be acknowledging that Pinterest isn't real life, the second would be admitting that sometimes chicken nuggets are a legitimate dinner choice.
Most importantly, she'd remind us that our children will remember the love, not the organic kale chips. They'll remember the laughter, not the perfectly curated Instagram moments. They'll remember feeling secure and valued, not whether their toys were sustainably sourced or their screen time was optimally managed.
In the end, Erma Bombeck's writing would probably say what she always said: parenting is about doing your best with what you've got, maintaining your sense of humor when everything falls apart, and remembering that the goal isn't to be perfect – it's to be present. And maybe, just maybe, to survive with enough sanity left to laugh about it later.
Jim Gaffigan put it perfectly during his recent stand-up show: "Parenting trends come and go, but the real trend that never goes out of style is not screwing up your kids too badly. Everything else is just marketing."
After all, as Erma herself once wrote, "The grass is always greener over the septic tank" – and that includes the grass in everyone else's seemingly perfect parenting journey.
For more satirical takes on modern life, visit The Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop for resources on humor writing and Parents Magazine for actual parenting advice that won't make you question your life choices. https://bohiney.com/erma-bombeck/