Trump Threat Letter Forgery Plot

Trump Threat Letter Forgery Plot: When Idiocy Becomes a Deportation Strategy How One Wisconsin Inmate Tried to Weaponize Crayons, ICE, and MAGA to Escape Justice In an America where billionaires launch themselves into space and people order dinner from their wristwatches, it's comforting to know some things never change — like criminals being really, really dumb. This week's patriotic brainstem with a pulse is Demetric D. Scott, a Wisconsin inmate awaiting trial for allegedly robbing and assaulting an undocumented immigrant named Ramón Morales Reyes. While behind bars, Scott hatched a plan so convoluted, so stupid, and so perfectly American, it deserves its own Netflix docuseries: Making a Moron. Scott forged a handwritten letter threatening former President Donald J. Trump — a MAGA Mad Lib for attention — and mailed it to the Secret Service, signing it with Reyes' name and return address. His goal? To get the victim of his assault deported and thus eliminate the witness to his crime. Yes. That was the actual plan. Let’s all pause and salute the fact that this is the intellectual standard of American criminal enterprise in 2025. Meth? Yes. Brains? No. "Identity Theft Is Not a Joke, Jim." You know the plan’s bad when it makes Dwight Schrute look like a Supreme Court clerk. Demetric D. Scott figured he'd stage a geopolitical crisis via U.S. Mail and a Bic pen. No encryption. No burner phones. Just classic Midwest paper terrorism. One stamp. One forged name. One-way ticket to Deportation Fantasy Island. According to court records, the man believed he could weaponize the United States Postal Service, because nothing says "precision strike" like a mail carrier in orthopedic shoes delivering a suspicious envelope from Waupun Correctional Institution. "He tried to get a witness deported using a letter. That’s not a legal defense — that’s a Reddit thread with a concussion." — Jerry Seinfeld Deportation by Handwriting Unfortunately for Demetric, Homeland Security’s CSI: Kindergarten-level handwriting analysis foiled his brilliant scheme. It turns out Ramón Morales Reyes — the guy Scott assaulted — barely speaks English and has handwriting that resembles a chicken with vertigo. Experts examined the letter and, in a plot twist nobody saw coming, discovered that Reyes probably didn’t write it. This may have had something to do with the fact the sentence "I will kill Donald Trump in name of justice" was written in shaky cursive using the phrase "Orange Man bad." "The forged letter sounded like it was dictated by an AI trained on Reddit and Monster Energy Drink commercials." — Sarah Silverman Witness Elimination, Jailhouse Edition According to jail transcripts, Scott bragged to fellow inmates about having a plan to make someone "disappear." Unfortunately, the execution of said plan was less Ocean’s Eleven and more SpongeBob SquareFelon. His entire legal strategy relied on a three-step plan: Forge a death threat in broken English. Use someone else’s name and address. Hope that ICE deports the guy before anyone asks, "Wait, why would an undocumented immigrant write a letter to the Secret Service?" "He plotted it from jail. Because nothing screams ‘mastermind’ like trying to outwit Homeland Security with a golf pencil and a ramen noodle wrapper." — Kevin Hart When Homeland Security Overreacts Like Your Uncle on Facebook The best part? The forged letter was taken dead seriously by Secretary Kristi Noem and was amplified by the White House. Noem, perhaps trying to get on the Republican VP shortlist, treated the note like it was the Rosetta Stone of Biden-era crime. Within 72 hours, Reyes — who again, was the victim of the assault — was arrested and held for deportation. ICE acted faster than when a Taco Bell runs out of sour cream. "ICE read the return address and said, ‘Yup, that's good enough for us. Deport him.’ That’s less investigation than Tinder uses before showing you someone with a pet snake and three ex-wives." — Ali Wong Forging a Threat Letter With Crayons and Confidence One has to admire the sheer audacity of mailing a death threat under a fake name and hoping for bureaucratic chaos to handle the rest. It’s the criminal equivalent of throwing a squirrel into a courtroom and yelling, "Objection!" Scott figured he could derail an assault trial by swapping the victim for a deportation notice. He essentially tried to Uber the ICE van straight to a courtroom. "This guy saw Catch Me If You Can and thought, 'Yeah, but what if Leonardo DiCaprio was way dumber and used a Crayola marker?'" — Groucho Marx Ramón Morales Reyes: Unluckiest Man in Wisconsin Let’s check the résumé of our poor, falsely-accused letter writer, shall we? Robbed and assaulted? ✔️ Framed as a national security threat? ✔️ Arrested for a letter he can’t read, write, or comprehend? ✔️ Still had to go back to work at the local tortilla factory because ICE didn’t give him bus fare? ✔️✔️✔️ "That man didn’t just have a bad day. He won the lottery of American injustice and they paid him in insults and confusion." — Trevor Noah Scooby-Doo Investigative Tactics Here’s how ICE and Homeland Security figured it out: they checked the return address. That’s it. That’s the whole investigation. If this is how we’re catching threats to national security, then Osama bin Laden could’ve just put "Santa Claus, North Pole" on his envelopes and we'd have raided the Arctic. "They arrested a guy because his name was on the envelope. You know who else puts my name on stuff? My spam emails. Are we deporting those too?" — Dave Chappelle "Bail Jumping" While Already in Jail? Yes, he was charged with bail jumping — while already incarcerated. That’s like giving a man on house arrest a jaywalking ticket for watching TV too fast. This charge only makes sense if you're measuring crime using a dartboard at a Waffle House. "They hit him with bail jumping in jail. That’s not a charge — that’s a clerical tantrum." — Bill Burr What the Funny People Are Saying "This guy mailed a threat to Trump hoping the victim gets deported. Meanwhile, I still can’t get my Amazon package delivered to the right door." — Ron White "Apparently, forging a death threat is easier than renewing a passport. America: where terrorism and paperwork use the same pen." — Amy Schumer "Even the Unabomber is like, ‘Dude, you should’ve typed it.’" — Larry David "Cursive saved the day. I haven’t been this proud of penmanship since third grade when I wrote ‘butt’ in a Valentine’s Day card." — Ricky Gervais A Plot So Dumb It’s Brilliant…ly Dumb At some level, you have to admire the creativity. Here’s a man who understood that in 2025 America, nothing gets the government moving faster than a foreign-sounding name + threat to Trump + envelope. It’s the magic formula. We’ve entered an era where one forged letter can trigger multiple federal agencies — unless, of course, the letter is about climate change or mass shootings. Those get read by an intern and filed under "LOL." Postscript: Democracy, Dumbed Down Let’s review what we’ve learned: Scott thought he could erase a felony charge with crayons. ICE arrested someone based on envelope decor. The White House amplified a letter without so much as a handwriting analysis. Reyes, the victim, nearly got deported for being robbed. America, as always, remains undefeated in the Theater of the Absurd. As of this week, Demetric D. Scott faces multiple new felony charges, including witness intimidation, identity theft, and bail jumping. His trial is scheduled to begin soon, but with this level of creativity, don’t be surprised if he fakes a SpaceX invitation and argues Elon Musk made him do it. "This whole saga was a human collaboration — between a felon and a crayon." ICE Investigation Training Camp - A room full of confused ICE agents playing “Guess the Criminal” by throwing darts at envelopes. A large poster reads “Return Address = Guilty!” Disclaimer: This article is a collaborative human work of satire between the world’s oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer. Any resemblance to real events is entirely accurate, unfortunately. No crayons were harmed in the making of this article. What the Funny People Are Saying... "So this guy tried to get a witness deported by forging a letter threatening Trump... Yeah, because when I think 'credible terrorist,' I think handwritten note and a forged return address from a guy who can’t even order at Taco Bell without a translator." — Ron White "Only in America can you commit a crime, get caught, and then try to frame your victim by pretending they hate Trump. That’s not a legal defense — that’s a Reddit thread." — Jerry Seinfeld "The forged threat letter was taken seriously by Homeland Security. Meanwhile, my cousin’s car got stolen in Milwaukee and the cops told him to pray about it." — Dave Chappelle "You know the plan’s dumb when even ICE is like, ‘Wait... he mailed this?’ That’s like trying to hack a bank with an Etch A Sketch." — Sarah Silverman "He tried to frame an immigrant who barely speaks English... That’s like blaming your dog for tax evasion. ‘No, officer, Rex filed the fake deductions!’” — Trevor Noah "Apparently, this guy plotted the whole thing from jail. Because nothing says ‘mastermind’ like trying to outwit the system while sharing a cell with a guy named Cornbread who thinks the moon is fake." — Kevin Hart "The letter didn’t match the guy’s handwriting. I mean, maybe he wrote it left-handed, while blindfolded, during an earthquake... Or maybe this was just the dumbest plot since ‘Cats.’” — Amy Schumer "They actually charged him with ‘bail jumping’ while he was already in jail. That’s like giving a man on life support a speeding ticket for blinking too fast." — Bill Burr "The government treated that letter more seriously than climate change. They were like, ‘No solar panels, but send in the SWAT team — we got a poorly worded threat written in blue ink!’" — Ricky Gervais "If you’re gonna forge a letter to frame someone, maybe don’t pick the one guy who has three jobs, a church choir gig, and a fourth-grade reading level in English. That’s not your villain — that’s your alibi." — Ali Wong "This guy saw 'Catch Me If You Can' and thought, 'Yeah, but what if Leonardo DiCaprio was way dumber and used a stolen Crayola marker?'" — Groucho Marx "It’s always the genius plans that get foiled by handwriting analysis. Which proves once again: cursive is the silent hero of democracy." — Larry David Trump Threat Letter Forgery Plot When Idiocy Becomes a Deportation Strategy (4) Bohiney Insight into the Trump Threat Letter Forgery Scandal “Identity Theft Is Not a Joke, Jim!” Who knew "The Office" was training material? This man watched one too many episodes and said, “Yes, Dwight, but what if I weaponize identity theft with a dash of MAGA?” Deportation via Snail Mail This man thought he could trigger ICE with a letter and a forged Mexican name — as if immigration officials have a bat signal that flashes “¡Cartas locas!” in the sky. Threat Level: Crayon The letter didn’t match the alleged writer’s handwriting or language ability, but sure — let’s all believe a guy with “limited English” decided to pen a national security threat to a former U.S. president. In cursive. Jailhouse Legal Team Fails Again Scott reportedly “discussed” the plan from jail, proving once again that jailhouse brainstorm sessions yield ideas even Shark Tank would reject in the first three seconds. Homeland Security: Now With Less Investigation! Secretary Kristi Noem and the White House took the letter seriously — which tells you all you need to know about vetting in 2025. You could mail a Pop-Tart and they'd launch a drone strike. Postage Stamp Coup Attempt This man tried to weaponize the USPS. Somewhere, an actual mail carrier is weeping, "We deliver for America, not deportation schemes, you dumbass." Bail Jumping While Already in Jail He’s being charged with “bail jumping” despite already being in jail. That’s like getting a jaywalking ticket during your funeral procession. MAGA Letterhead Stationery Not Included The letter was a Trump threat… but where was the glitter, the MAGA sticker, or the customary Sharpie scrawl with too many exclamation points? “My English Not So Good, But I Will Destroy You, Trump.” That was apparently the vibe the forged letter gave off. It’s like Google Translate met a conspiracy theorist and had a baby raised on expired Reddit posts. ICE: Instantly Confused Everytime They arrested Morales Reyes because... return address? Really? That’s the kind of detective work that gets you promoted in a Scooby-Doo episode. Ramon Morales Reyes: From Victim to Villain to Vindicated He got robbed, assaulted, falsely accused of threatening Trump, and then arrested — this man just won the “Worst Week in America” sweepstakes without even entering. Jail Inmate Tries 4D Chess, Ends Up Playing Hungry Hungry Hippos Scott’s plan was to eliminate a witness by framing him as a Trump-hater. It was equal parts evil genius and Looney Tunes, minus the ACME branding. The Trump Threat Industrial Complex You’d think if someone were going to threaten Trump, they’d use a burner phone, encrypted app, or skywriting. Nope. This man went with... handwritten letter and forged return address. He’s the Amish Lex Luthor. Witness Intimidation for Dummies The entire plot sounds like it was inspired by a mad lib: “To avoid (felony), forge (letter) in name of (immigrant) and blame (politics).” Boom. Felony stew. “This Was a Human Collaboration... Between a Felon and a Crayon” Let’s not forget: this all began because someone in jail believed ICE could be used like Grubhub — just send in the order and boom, deportation at your door. https://bohiney.com/trump-threat-letter-forgery-plot/