Bohiney Satrical Journalism

“You’ve Been SSSS’d!”: The TSA’s Love Letter in 4 Bold Letters A Travel Horror Satire by Bohiney’s Sky-Sniffing Bureau “It’s like winning the lottery, but instead of money, you get mild trauma, a Q-tip swab, and a man named Carl touching your waistband.” — Anonymous frequent flyer The SSSS Code Means... SSSS stands for 'Secondary Security Screening Selection' and it happens to be a security protocol implemented by the  US Transportation Security Administration (TSA) . The TSA apparently put this code on the boarding passes of people who need to be inspected further by security personnel. The procedure was implemented as an extra security measure following the  9/11 attacks. While the TSA hasn't publicly revealed the exact criteria for SSSS selection, there is said to be a number of factors at play. The extra screening process can involve carry-on luggage inspection, personal questioning, enhanced pat-downs and electronic device screening. “I finally Googled the meaning of S...

He, She, Hall of Fame: The Day the National Women's Hall of Fame Inducted a Dude and Called It Progress Seneca Falls: Where Women Are Made… and Occasionally Imported Seneca Falls, NY — The National Women's Hall of Fame, long considered the sanctum sanctorum of estrogenic excellence, has updated its definition of "woman" to mean "whoever shows up with the right paperwork and a vague sense of empowerment." In a dazzling ceremony full of applause, chiffon scarves, and strategic confusion, Sandy Stone — a transgender academic with a long resume and even longer sideburns — was officially inducted into an institution once reserved for women who bled through middle school math class. The Induction Heard Round the Internet No one dared say it, but everyone thought it: "A man just walked into the National Women's Hall of Fame, and not even wearing heels." Inside the Hall, where photos of Harriet Tubman and Eleanor Roosevelt silently disapproved, the st...

​The Seussian AI Revolution: When ChatGPT Goes Full-On Dr. Seuss By Ima G. Nuisance, Satirical Tech Correspondent A Whimsical Upgrade In a bold move that has left linguists, technologists, and children’s librarians scratching their heads, OpenAI has reportedly retrained ChatGPT exclusively on the works of Dr. Seuss. The result? An AI that speaks in rhymes, thinks in whimsy, and might just ask you to hop on pop. Let's delve into the delightful chaos that ensues when artificial intelligence meets the Cat in the Hat. 1. Rhyming Responses Galore Evidence: User Interactions Users have reported that every query now receives a rhyming response. One user shared: "I asked for the weather, and it said with a grin, 'Whether the weather is wet or fine, The sun will set at half-past nine.'" This poetic approach, while charming, has left meteorologists out of a job and poets feeling both flattered and threatened. 2. Persistent Recommendations Case Study: The Green Eggs and Ham ...

In a bold move that had historians, geographers, and at least three dolphins scratching their heads, former President Donald J. Trump issued an executive order to rename the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America. Google Maps, in its infinite wisdom, complied—because who can resist the allure of cartographic chaos? For U.S.-based users of Google Maps, it’s official: you’re no longer staring at the Gulf of Mexico. Welcome to the Gulf of America, folks—where patriotism flows as freely as overpriced margaritas in Cancun. Executive Orders: The New Cartography The rebranding of the Gulf is reportedly part of Trump’s broader mission to “reclaim American greatness”. Critics have called the move everything from “a logistical nightmare” to “geographic imperialism,” while supporters hailed it as “the first successful military conquest of a body of water.” Google Maps now displays Gulf of America for users in the United States, Gulf of Mexico for users in Mexico, and Gulf of We’re Not Getting Invo...

Bedroom Gymnastics: USA Gymnastics Team Flipping for Love and Flexibility! Stretching Boundaries: Gymnastic Feats and Bedroom Treats Stretching Boundaries In the romantic city of Paris, couples are stretching boundaries in ways that would make even the most seasoned yogi blush. Gymnasts in relationships are taking their flexibility from the mat to the mattress, proving that the only limits are their own hamstrings. Jill, a concerned roommate, shared her shock when she witnessed a friend doing the splits on her boyfriend. "I’ve never seen someone multitask flexibility and intimacy so well!" Dr. Emily Flexer, a physical therapist, weighed in on this trend. "Stretching enhances blood flow and flexibility, which can lead to more creative and enjoyable intimate experiences," she explained. A survey by Bohiney.com revealed that 78% of people believe flexible partners are more adventurous, adding a whole new dimension to the term "open-minded." One boyfriend, Ti...