Ramadan in Gaza

Ramadan in Gaza: The Only Fasting App That Comes with Airstrikes

Holy Month, Holy Hell

In theory, Ramadan is about spiritual reflection, self-discipline, and communal harmony. In Gaza this year, it's about dodging drones, grilling mystery meat over mattress foam, and trying not to break your fast by accidentally swallowing rubble dust.

Welcome to the only Ramadan where you don’t just pray for peace—you duck for it.

As one Gazan father put it, "We used to count down to iftar. Now we count down to the next Israeli missile." He said this while flipping a pizza inside a gutted microwave-turned-oven powered by sofa cushion stuffing and sheer willpower.

We’ve compiled 15 comedic truths based on eyewitness reports, nonprofit statements, and a Ramadan meal plan that includes: 1) hope, 2) expired canned corn, and 3) nothing else. Let’s begin.

What the Funny People are Saying
"You know your city's in trouble when the most stable structure in town is the UN tent—and it comes with a two-hour waitlist and no bathroom."
— Ron White
"What’s the deal with fasting all day, only to break your fast with a single olive and a bomb warning? Is that intermittent explosion?"
— Jerry Seinfeld
"In Gaza, when they say ‘sundown prayers,’ they mean both the time and the visibility. There’s no electricity. God is literally the only one who can see you."
— Sarah Silverman
Ceasefires Now Come With Expiration Dates

It used to be that ceasefires in Gaza lasted long enough to at least microwave a plate of hummus. Now? You barely finish your dua before an airstrike interrupts.

Israel broke the latest Ramadan ceasefire quicker than a college kid gives up on Lent. The only thing shorter than the peace was the queue for water once the bombing resumed.

“Ceasefire? More like ‘Cease-five-minutes,’” muttered a UN aid worker while handing out precisely one bean per person, like some kind of biblical Costco sample tray.

The Ramadan Wake-Up Call That’s Actually a Wake-Up Call

In Gaza, the pre-dawn suhoor wake-up drumbeat has a new harmony: the buzzing of drones.

One eyewitness said, “We couldn’t tell if it was the drumbeaters or the Israeli quadcopters. Either way, I got up, said Bismillah, and ducked.”

Musaharati, the traditional Ramadan drummers, now carry Kevlar vests and shout, “Time to eat, but only if you’re not currently being shelled.”

Fast by Day, Fast by Night—Thanks to the Blockade

Ramadan fasting traditionally ends at sundown. In Gaza, thanks to the food blockade, it ends whenever a can of beans gets through 13 checkpoints and 4 press conferences.

A recent UN report found that 62% of Gazans break their fast with nothing more than a sip of tea, a prayer, and a stern glare at a photo of chicken.

“Food scarcity has become so normalized that even the mystery meat from aid packages has developed a fanbase,” said an aid worker, clutching a tin of “beef-like substance.”

Cooking with Foam: Now a Michelin-Starred Survival Technique

One woman, Rana al-Abadi, now bakes pizza inside a hollowed-out microwave using mattress foam for fuel.

She calls it “foam-fired flatbread,” and swears it gives the crust an “authentic taste of scorched despair.”

“It’s not delivery—it’s desperation,” her husband joked while dodging falling debris.

In a Gaza culinary twist, Domino’s has been replaced with “Dome-In-Us,” where every delivery comes with a side of shrapnel.

Charity Kitchen Lines Are the New Social Scene

Gone are the days of breaking fast with family and friends. Now the only mingling happens while standing in a two-hour line for a single spoonful of hummus and a bean.

One man in line told NPR, “It’s like Coachella, but with more groaning and fewer toilets.”

Another said, “At least during suhoor, we had kebabs. Now I’d punch a goat for a falafel.”

Ramadan Ambiance: Spiritual, Bombastic, and Lightly Charred

Nothing sets the mood for spiritual introspection like the combined soundtrack of Quran recitation and unmanned aerial vehicles.

A Gaza teen described breaking fast with his grandmother beside the ruins of their apartment while a drone hovered overhead. “It’s like dining at a five-star open-air war zone.”

To cope, families now use mortar shells as candleholders. As one child quipped, “It’s not ambiance, it’s ambulance.”

Fashionably Bombed: The Gaza Runway

This season’s hottest Ramadan look? Ash-stained dishdashas and designer rebar-accented keffiyehs.

Palestinian influencers are already calling it “Gaza Gritcore.” A young girl was seen making bracelets from copper wiring salvaged from downed power lines. Move over Etsy.

The fashion elite now say, “If it’s not scorched, it’s not in season.”

"Who knew the most popular Ramadan app would be a United Nations evacuation alert?"
— Jerry Seinfeld

Evacuation as Performance Art

When you receive evacuation orders five times during a single Ramadan, you start treating it like a recurring holiday tradition. “Oh look, another leaflet from the IDF. Time to pack the kids and guess which uncle's house hasn't been flattened yet!”

According to Gaza residents, evacuation now doubles as cardio. Fitbit reported a 700% spike in Gazan step counts.

One evacuee joked, “By the end of Ramadan, I’ll have hiked more than a Swiss goat.”

Family Dinner: Now with a View of the Crater

For those lucky enough to have a roof (or partial roof), iftar becomes a candlelit affair—more out of necessity than romance.

A family in Gaza City was spotted breaking fast atop the remnants of a third-floor apartment, using a flattened tin can as a table and a suitcase as a chair. The youngest child kept asking if “we’re camping.”

Ration Roulette: What Will You Eat Today?

Ramadan meals are now sponsored by the United Nations Mystery Box Program. One day, you get lentils. The next, it’s canned tomato paste with no can opener.

Aid deliveries are so inconsistent that Gazans have developed a black-market app called "SnackMap," where you can barter shoes for powdered milk.

One user review: “Traded socks for sardines. 5 stars.”

Wudu Water Shortage: Wash Responsibly

Performing ablution (wudu) before prayer usually involves clean water. In Gaza, it's become an extreme sport.

One imam advised, “If you can't find water, use sand. If you can't find sand, use sarcasm.”

Families have started reserving precious water like it’s caviar. “We have one bottle: one capful for hands, one for face, and one for emergency tea.”

The Marketplace: Hunger Games Meets Yard Sale

Ramadan bazaars used to be full of spice vendors, textiles, and shouting. Now it’s just shouting.

Markets have been reduced to rubble, but a few resilient sellers still hawk dates, rice, and very suspicious “meat pies.”

In the absence of meat, vendors have started selling “Vegan Goat,” a product made from lentils, glue, and positive thinking.

Hope, Then Hunger, Then Heatstroke

The first week of Ramadan brought a short ceasefire. Palestinians rejoiced. By week two, they were running from missiles again. Hope was served cold, then reheated over smoldering detritus.

One local said, “It’s like God gave us a trailer for peace, but forgot to greenlight the movie.”

Pizza Diplomacy and the Art of Foam-Crust Negotiations

UN negotiators are reportedly impressed by Gazans’ culinary diplomacy: the ability to make a meal, a plea for peace, and a form of protest all out of one scorched tortilla.

Rumors say Gordon Ramsay offered to film a new series: Hell's Kitchen: Gaza Strip Edition. Working title: “What the Foam?”

Helpful Ramadan Tips from SpinTaxi

1. Convert your oven into a prayer nook when the gas runs out. Works better if the oven’s already broken.

2. Use rubble creatively. A broken sink? That’s now a salad bowl.

3. For ambiance, skip the Spotify playlist. Airstrikes already have a sick beat.

4. Keep one clean shirt. Use it to barter, propose marriage, or flag down UN trucks.

5. Remember: Faith is free. Unlike lentils.

The True Spirit of Ramadan (Now with Extra Ash)

Despite the absurdity, families still gather. Kids still smile. Prayers still rise. There’s something hilariously heartbreaking about breaking fast beside a crater, then passing around a single Snickers bar like it’s a Fabergé egg.

As one father said, “Ramadan is about sacrifice. This year, we’ve gone pro.”

Final Words from the Field

A UN translator, watching a Gazan family grill eggplant on a burning tire, summed it up best: “They’ve turned war into a lifestyle brand.”

Even amid destruction, the spirit of Ramadan endures—with grit, humor, and a side of foam-fired pizza.

Funny Disclaimer

This article is a 100% human collaboration between two sentient beings—the world’s oldest tenured professor and a 20-year-old philosophy major turned dairy farmer. Neither has ever been to Gaza, but both are familiar with desperation-based cooking.

No Hamas drones were harmed in the making of this satire, but one IDF microwave is currently being scouted for a Netflix deal.

A satirical cartoon in a style reminiscent of Bohiney Magazine, wide aspect. A Palestinian family of seven sits at a dinner table perched precariously on the... - bohiney.com 1

Ramadan in Gaza this year has been marked by a series of unexpected and challenging events. Here are 15 humorous observations on the situation, drawing inspiration from the comedic legacy media and NPR.

Ceasefire's Expiration Date: The ceasefire in Gaza had a shelf life shorter than a gallon of milk left out in the sun. One week it's peace, the next week it's pieces. ​

Midnight Wake-Up Calls: Imagine being woken up at 2 a.m. not by your alarm clock, but by three guys with drums walking through rubble, reminding you to eat before dawn. It's like a rock concert with a breakfast buffet. ​NPR

Ramadan Diet Plan: Fasting during the day and feasting at night is the norm, but when there's no food due to blockades, it's less of a religious practice and more of an involuntary diet plan. ​NPR

Cooking Innovations: Turning a gutted microwave into a pizza oven using mattress foam for fuel? That's not just resourcefulness; that's a cooking show waiting to happen: "Cooking Under Siege." ​NPR

Charity Kitchen Lines: Standing in line for two hours for a plate of beans makes you nostalgic for the days when the biggest dinner dilemma was choosing between chicken or fish. ​NPR

Ramadan Ambiance: The traditional sounds of Ramadan—prayers and family gatherings—have been remixed with the background track of drones and airstrikes. Talk about a mood killer. ​NPR

Fashion Statements: When your home is reduced to rubble, the latest fashion trend becomes "debris chic." Who knew dust and ash could be such versatile accessories?​

Evacuation Orders: Receiving an evacuation order during Ramadan is like being told to play musical chairs, but every time the music stops, there are fewer houses left to sit in.​

Family Gatherings: Nothing says "family bonding" like breaking your fast together in the dark because there's no electricity. It's like a candlelit dinner, but without the romance.​

Food Rations: Relying on aid rations for iftar turns every meal into a surprise. Will it be beans again? Or perhaps the ever-elusive canned mystery meat?​

Water Woes: When the water supply is cut off, making wudu (ablution) becomes a strategic operation. Suddenly, every drop counts more than ever.​

Market Adventures: Navigating the market amidst ruins to find food is like participating in a reality show called "Survivor: Gaza Edition."​

Prayer Interruptions: Attempting to focus during Taraweeh prayers while drones buzz overhead adds a whole new level of concentration. It's like meditating in the middle of a construction site.​

Children's Games: Kids playing "guess the explosion" instead of traditional Ramadan games. Is it fireworks? Nope, just another airstrike.​

Hope Amidst Chaos: Despite everything, Gazans still find reasons to smile, proving that humor can survive even in the most challenging circumstances.​

​REQUIRED BULLSHIT: Please note that these observations are made in a spirit of dark humor, reflecting the resilience and coping mechanisms of people facing adversity.

A satirical cartoon in a wide format, in the style of Bohiney Magazine. A lively Palestinian woman hosts a makeshift cooking show in a crumbling kitchen. She... - bohiney.com

What the Funny People Are Saying about Ramadan in Gaza...

"I tried to order food in Gaza. The delivery guy said, ‘Sure! Just meet me between rubble pile seven and the crater shaped like an old man crying.’"
— Larry David
"Over here, Ramadan is spiritual. Over there, it’s survival. They don't do intermittent fasting. They do involuntary food disappearances."
— Chris Rock
"I asked my Gazan friend what he was doing for iftar. He said, ‘Well, depends… Did the drone let my microwave survive today?’"
— Amy Schumer
"Only in Gaza can you lose weight, gain trauma, and learn carpentry—all in one holy month."
— Ron White
"In America, people fast and post it on Instagram. In Gaza, people fast because Israel hit the last grocery store. No filter needed—just rubble."
— Jerry Seinfeld
"They told Gazans to evacuate before bombing. I mean, sure. ‘Excuse me, sir, can I borrow your invisibility cloak and teleportation app?’"
— Sarah Silverman
"A Gazan grandmother made a fire-roasted eggplant dish with no gas, no oven, and no kitchen. Gordon Ramsay saw it and cried."
— Larry David
"Over here, we break fast with hummus and laughter. In Gaza, they break fast with a single bean and a backup plan."
— Chris Rock
"Ramadan in Gaza is like CrossFit: No food, constant running, lifting family members, and it might kill you. https://bohiney.com/ramadan-in-gaza/